


Eleven

by blhates



Category: RuPaul's Drag Race RPF
Genre: F/F, Lesbian AU, fake dating au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-10-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 22:20:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 37,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25453789
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blhates/pseuds/blhates
Summary: “Vanjie! Over here!”There were so many voices shouting the same thing, flashes going off every millisecond, everything making it extremely difficult to focus. She changed poses as much as she could, thankful there is a reassuring hand on her back, keeping her calm.[A Fake Dating AU but with a small twist]
Relationships: Brooke Lynn Hytes/Vanessa Vanjie Mateo, Vanessa Vanjie Mateo/Kameron Michaels
Comments: 142
Kudos: 106





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi!! Here I go again! 
> 
> I actually had this in the works for a month and a half now because I was inspired at one point so I just needed it written out. If you've read my previous work, well I can't say this will be pure fluff - I'm being moody. In any case, I can't wait to take you on this ride with me.
> 
> Hope you like it ;)

“Vanjie! Over here!”

There were so many voices shouting the same thing, flashes going off every millisecond, everything making it extremely difficult to focus. She changed poses as much as she could, thankful there is a reassuring hand on her back, keeping her calm.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Jason waving at her, signalling that they can move. She interlocks their fingers, pressing herself as close as possible as they walk. Jason leads them inside immediately when they reach him. He is rattling off the important info, like what table they’re at, but Vanessa doesn’t quite follow, distracted by her surroundings. She knows the information is heard, which is all that matters, even if it’s not by her.

The space where the charity ball is held is, as always, enormous. High ceilings, marble floor and light dimmed just a pinch, enough to create shadows that portray the room as never ending. Add the sea of people and it instantly makes Vanessa feel invisible, focus not on her anymore.

“I will never get used to this madness,” a voice pulls her out of her thoughts, “I don’t know how you do it Vanj.”

Ah the fame. She is considered a famous person - an A-lister even. If someone told her that four years ago when she released her first album, this is how it would turn out, she wouldn’t believe it. How she landed that record deal was surreal too. Imagine having Nicki fucking Minaj hear you playing around on set of her music video with your fellow dancers; the most ridiculous lyrics leaving your mouth, just to be told right then and there to write it down because she likes the sound and energy.

Vanessa didn’t think it was that serious until she found herself in a record studio discussing ideas on Nicki’s single. A song she’ll fully be featured in. Rapping. Rapping lyrics she came up with. It was un-fucking-believable.

To this day she remembers herself as that Pikachu meme throughout that whole process. Then it was like a haze of numbers skyrocketing, her voice everywhere she went, ears ringing from all the calls that kept coming. She couldn’t wrap her head around the fact that the first thing she did, with pure luck of right circumstances, was a number one hit. And it stayed a number one hit for the whole summer.

Her manager Jason, who did all her bookings as a back-up dancer, eventually had to leave the agency so he can work for her full time, because Vanessa sure as hell didn’t know what she was doing. She then did another song by herself with the help of Nicki, which also blew up, so a record deal was signed by the end of that year and she was expected to write a full album, all by herself.

Now, after four years, she’s recording her second solo album, which has been long anticipated. She did a world tour and had collaborated with a lot of artists in the meantime but hasn’t sat down to actually create her own body of work. So she took a break 8 months ago and decided it’s time. No matter how terrifying it was.

The recording process was nearing and she was equal parts excited and shitting bricks. The expectations are so high but she feels like she rose to them, even though she’d never say that out loud.

But yeah, her life has been pretty crazy. And some would say: so fucking cool.

“You never get used to the madness, you just learn to embrace it,” Vanessa keeps her head forward, dazed, then finally turns, “but sometimes it’s a lot even for me.”

That earns her a short peck on the side of her head with a gentle squeeze, “good thing we’re in this together, right?”

Vanessa smiles, taking her hand once again, “Yes, I’m glad I’ve had you these past months, Kam. Didn’t think it would be this much fun.”

“Neither did I,” Kameron sighs happily, “but we’re never admitting that to Jason,” she lifts her index finger.

Vanessa laughs, “Hell no. I ain’t admitting he was right.”

Oh yeah, she is also in a PR relationship with non-other than Kameron Michaels.

Someone who’s career she’s been following despite having almost zero interest in martial arts, but she was openly gay and had stayed undefeated which was pissing off so many people.

And Vanessa especially liked when queer people thriving pissed people off. So she publicly supported her, being a lesbian herself. Then one random day a year ago, they’ve met in a gym. Vanessa was angrily punching a bag, trying to let off some of the tension that’s been knotting her stomach when Kameron appeared in front of her.

_“I don’t mean to interrupt, but if you continue this, you’re gonna hurt yourself,” Kameron Michaels says through a small smile, arms up in surrender._

_And Vanessa has honestly stopped functioning because she was actually star-struck._

_“You’re Kameron Michaels,” she says dumbly, causing a small blush to appear on Kameron’s cheeks, “I’m punching a bag wrong in front of Kameron Michaels,” she continues, completely in disbelief, then looks at the bag like it had betrayed her._

_“It’s not that bad, but I see you’re working through something and it would be against my better judgement not to at least help you do it properly. So you don’t pull a muscle, or end up in pain tomorrow,” Kameron explains, then quickly adds, “if you want of course. If you want me to mind my own business, just say the word.”_

_Vanessa screams internally, but answers nonchalantly, “Explain away, I’m not about to say no to free lessons from a professional puncher.”_

_It makes Kameron laugh, “Okay,” she places her water bottle on the floor and Vanessa jumps in, “I’m Vanessa by the way.”_

_“I know who you are,” Kameron smirks, which almost pulls a giggle from Vanessa, “you ready?” she asks as she positions herself next to Vanessa, arms up in fists. And Vanessa just tries really hard not to stare at her flexed biceps._

Kameron smiles shaking her head, then squeezes her hand, “lets go to our table.”

“Lead the way,” she says, knowing Kameron actually keeps track of these things and had listened to Jason on the way in.

They are of course in the front, easy to be seen at all times by the camera’s and everyone present, because this is not just any PR stunt. Everyone was overly enamoured by their relationship. From the start it got a lot of press and as the time progressed, the more they put into it, the more the public has been obsessed. They called them the power couple of year - everyone and their mother wanted in on it.

It especially exploded when they took it to Instagram. Pictures, travel stories and couple-workout videos - all of it not even faked as much because they genuinely became best friends. They didn’t even post that much in total, but it was enough to give the people an intro - the rest of the story left to be written by everyone with their collective assumption mixed with fantasy.

“Oh there are already pictures,” Vanessa scrolls through her tagged photos, “we look fine as fuck… Mhm, this champagne glitter moment is really it for you,” she nods to herself and reposts a couple of pictures on her story.

Kameron leans closer, placing a hand over Vanessa’s crossed legs, “let me see,” she examines the photos, “oh yes, we look good. I’ll wait for all the photos before publishing,” she says.

It makes Vanessa chuckle, “of course. Gotta think of the aesthetic. Imagine posting the wrong one, you might as well delete your whole profile.”

“You’ll never stop teasing me over it, huh?” she pinches her exposed thigh and Vanessa slaps her hand but doesn’t move away, “Nope,” she answers, emphasizing the ‘p’.

There was a stark difference between their online presence. Vanessa posted whatever she wanted, from her cat just napping, a meme or random throwback, to planned and pretty pictures of either her or her and Kameron – overall an utter chaos, but a good representation of her. On the other hand, Kameron had a neat profile, workout videos, photoshoots, brand sponsorships and Vanessa.

They notice people beginning to take their respective seats, the mingling gradually stopping, a sign that the event will officially begin.

“We are going to the after party or no?” Kameron asks her, adjusting her chair so she’s properly seated.

Vanessa ponders, she’s not the one to skip a night out but they do have interviews scheduled tomorrow and one joint photoshoot, “I don’t know, we have a full day tomorrow, are we saying fuck it?”

Kameron looks at her for a second, “I don’t mind a ‘fuck it’ moment. Drink a bit, do a couple of dance numbers, show everyone out and head home in time to not be puffy-eyed tomorrow?”

“Deal,” Vanessa nods, and they fist bump under the table.

Later in the evening, Vanessa is returning from the toilets when she hears Kameron call her from the different direction than their table. She looks around and spots her standing against the bar, she returns her smile and walks towards her.

The smile stays until someone else appears in her line of sight. Someone who makes her knees buckle and ears fill with white noise. Someone who shouldn’t have this effect on her anymore.

At least they are both holding their breath, Vanessa notices.

Kameron opens her arm so Vanessa can enter her space and for the first time in eight months, she hesitates. Kameron seems to notice her hesitation and sends her a questioning look which Vanessa eases with a smile.

“Have you met Brooke?” Kameron excitedly asks and two of them immediately look at each other. There is a flash of hurt that appears on Brooke face before she’s back to her neutral expression.

But she doesn’t know the proper answer to that question. Vanessa just feels like someone has pushed her in a corner. She wishes she could just say they haven’t and maybe everything will be erased but then again she saw hurt in Brooke’s eyes and still her heart won’t let her do anything to make it appear again, no matter how much she probably deserves it. So she looks at Kameron briefly, clearing her throat, “Yeah.”

Brooke shifts in her seat almost unnoticeably, but unfortunately Vanessa can still see right through her, and she’s clearly in discomfort.

“I was just mentioning your favourite movie,” Kameron continues and now Vanessa honestly wants to throw up, Brooke looking like she’s not far behind, “she had to wear me down to watch it but since this one watches it every now and then, I caved and it’s honestly amazing.”

Vanessa almost chokes. She can’t believe this is something Brooke now knows. It takes everything in her not to run from feeling so exposed.

Brooke grips her glass of whiskey and chuckles, but Vanessa can hear the bitterness, “thank you. It’s one of my proudest moments. All thanks to someone who encouraged me to take it, I almost declined” she briefly looks at Vanessa then back to Kameron whose attitude is still happy-go-lucky and completely oblivious to the tension.

“Oh really? Whoever it was, great advice,” Kameron says, “hope they’re your manager now or something, ‘cause that was a perfect fit. I swear I’ve never been that invested and usually the Oscar movies are overrated for me, but not this one.”

Vanessa seriously wants the Earth to swallow her whole or just fake faint, anything really, to drag Kameron away so she’d stop, because she will seriously get sick.

“No,” Brooke huffs, “It was one of those passing things, you know?” she takes the final sip of her whiskey and places her glass down on the bar.

And that felt like a slap across her face. Even if Kameron herself now slapped her as much as she could, mind you she’s a professional fighter, Vanessa is sure it would hurt less.

Kameron is about to say something but Vanessa cannot deal this at all.

“Babe,” she circles her arms around Kameron’s waist, “I’m starving and the car is probably already waiting; as much as this is fun, you promised food before the after party.”

All of that is a complete lie which is why Kameron looks at her fully surprised at the sudden interruption. Vanessa just looks up sweetly at her, hoping to convey the message. This is something they have done in the past, where they’ve created an excuse for each other to suddenly leave, in a sweet enough way that people just dismiss it as a couple-y thing.

“Yeah, sorry,” Kameron seems to understand, “we should definitely go,” they both turn to Brooke, Vanessa catches her looking at Vanessa’s hands with a slight frown before she looks up at them when she’s addressed again, “we’ll have to continue this another time. Are you going to the party?”

Brooke smiles politely, “no, calling it early,” she takes the glass that was refilled by the bartender in the meantime, “you two have fun,” she rises the glass to them and drowns it before she turns on her heel and leaves.

It shouldn’t have hurt.

“What was that about?” Kameron’s face immediately shifts from pleasant to worried.

Vanessa looks at the empty glass on the bar, “take me home, I’ll tell you on the way” she says quietly.

She feels Kameron’s hand rubbing her back and she hears her say “okay” but it sounds very distant because her mind is already being pulled - back to an encounter just like this one.

_ Four years ago _

_Vanessa is so excited and anxious she feels like she’s been sweating like mad this whole time. Thank God for past Vanessa who decided on a sleeveless dress because she’s pretty sure she’d have major pit stains right now. This is her first major event that she’s attending alone; it may be a charity but this is the big leagues charity. Jason had to hold a power point presentation on proper etiquette and the stupid different cutlery used so that Vanessa doesn’t embarrass herself. The worst thing is, he warned her it was just a preview on what he has prepared because he said: “I need to get you media trained. Hard. Otherwise we’re both screwed.”_

_It may have to do with the fact that Vanessa publicly came out by answering a question about her dating life with “what about me says straight to you?” followed by a scoff. On national television, no less. Jason literally spit out his coffee behind the camera and both interviewers didn’t know what to do with themselves. How was she supposed to know that it was that big of a deal? She just didn’t like that it was an automatic assumption she’s straight, based on literally nothing._

_But it could be something else, for sure…At least that’s what she says to herself._

_Anyway, she was currently waiting for the bartender to pour her two shots of tequila so she can try to calm her nerves. Half of the event she already survived, she can’t fuck up the rest._

_“Thank you,” she says when the shots are placed in front of her and she downs them both, one after the other._

_“Oh wow, you okay there?” a voice snaps her from appreciating the burn of the much needed alcohol._

_Vanessa looks to her right and is met with a sight of a breathtakingly beautiful woman. She nods before she finds her voice, “yeah, just killing the nerves.”_

_“Tequila will do that,” she takes two steps closer, raising her hand up, “I’m Brooke.”_

_“Vanessa,” she shakes her hand and shoots off a prayer that her hands aren’t sweaty. She takes a good look at her and tries to place her, but she is sure she’d remember her if she saw her somewhere, but then again, Vanessa isn’t that in tune with everything happening in Hollywood. She can barely keep up with her ‘scene’._

_“So why are you nervous?” Brooke asks, while signalling the bartender to give them another round._

_Vanessa takes a deep breath, “lots of stuff, but mainly because I’m flying solo tonight and my manager says I always find myself some trouble,” she scuffs._

_Brooke takes the drink then places one in front of Vanessa, “how does one get in trouble at a charity ball?”_

_“You’d be surprised, mami,” Vanessa lifts her shot up, clinking it with Brooke, “I started shit on a show, unprovoked, and it wasn’t even 10am,” she says before they both drink._

_Brooke tilts her head, a small furrow forming in her brow, “wait, I know who you are, you’re the rapper that came out recently,” her face opening up. Well now Vanessa doesn’t feel bad for not knowing who she is, though her ego is hurt a little bit._

_Vanessa hides her face immediately, “yup, that’s me. I swear I actually thought Jason, my manager, might murder my ass,” a small chuckle leaves her lips._

_“Why? Because you weren’t supposed to come out?” Brooke looks away, slightly concerned._

_“Nah, he knew I’m not gonna accept the closet case shtick. But he had a strategy,“ Vanessa makes air quotes and rolls her eyes, “and the whole thing planned. Acting like he didn’t know I’m not good with following a plan,” she scoffs._

_Brooke chuckles, “oh, well yeah, you could’ve probably made money off of it too,” she pauses then continues hesitantly, “were you not worried it could jeopardize your career?”_

_Vanessa is almost offended by the question, but checks herself before going off because she doesn’t actually believe there was ill intent behind it. Also, something tells her this is not a question a straight person would even ask her, but she doesn’t want to make assumptions. She’ll just stick to praying and hoping._

_“Hell no, if anything it would jeopardize my quality of life and I know for sure my career is not about to become my whole life.” And Vanessa stands by it, her ideal life is to do what she loves no matter how successful and have a partner, possibly kids someday, but most importantly be true to herself._

_It makes a flicker of surprise appear on Brooke’s face, “that’s brave,” then thinks for a second, “I don’t think I’ve ever said or done anything without overthinking it for at least a moment.”_

_“My ADD ass doesn’t allow it, my thoughts jumping tracks so much, it’s good I even say the right thing half of the time,” Vanessa jokes, making Brooke chuckle._

_There is a short pause, and Vanessa is afraid the conversation is going to end. Brooke is such pleasant company and Vanessa really wants to get to know her more._

_“So tell me, what are you overthinking now?” Vanessa moves so she is half sitting on the bar stool._

_Brooke raises her eyebrow, “straight to the point I see, at least buy me dinner first,” and Vanessa shrugs innocently, trying real hard not to overanalyse the possibilities of that sentence._

_“Actually I have to make a decision by the end of the week, in terms of my career path and I’m nowhere near,” Brooke says as she pulls a bar stool closer so she can also lean on it._

_“What is it?”_

_She fiddles with her ring before answering, “I can either take the role in this movie that is completely different than I’ve done before or I can sign on a TV show that is only a bit different but could be a stable income.”_

_Okay so she’s an actress, and Vanessa tries not to show the sudden realization on her face, “I see the problem. First, do you wanna be a movie or show chick?”_

_Brooke snorts, “I’m an actress, a gig is a gig.”_

_“Lies. There is a difference even I know that. There are show actors and movie actors, no one says they don’t sometimes cross the territories but they pick the lane,” Vanessa says and Brooke pursues her lips, nodding._

_“Okay, I guess movies then, but,” she starts and is immediately interrupted, “no buts, you want movies do the movie, easy.”_

_“No, you don’t understand, I’ve never done this. If I don’t deliver I’m done like this,” she snaps her fingers, “I want to broaden my horizons but it’s a fickle thing in movie business. The TV show could be a good baby step.”_

_Vanessa pursues her lips and crosses her arms, “sounds like you’re being a chicken shit.”_

_Brooke gapes, “what, I am not, I’m being rational.”_

_“Chicken. shit.”_

_Now Brooke crosses her arms too, “you don’t get it.”_

_“Ooohh I get it mami, you’re scared. You could be done in this industry no matter what. There is no what if I don’t deliver, fuck that, the only way you for sure won’t deliver is if you don’t try. Throw a baby in the water it will swim.”_

_“What?” Brooke frowns, a confused chuckle escaping her._

_“My references are not hitting right, but my point is; be brave, do it scared. If you don’t challenge yourself what is the point? You want to be a movie chick? Then do whatever it takes,” Vanessa shrugs, then continues jokingly, “worst case, you tank completely and then you can blame it on a crazy rapper who had a bad influence.”_

_Brooke laughs but seems to be out of words, and Vanessa can practically see wheels turning behind her eyes._

_“Look, I met you five seconds ago, it’s not right that I believe more in you than you do,” Vanessa adds._

_“You’re not wrong,” Brooke says after a moment, “I’ll think about it.”_

_Vanessa groans and facepalms, “the point was to get you to stop thinking” which makes Brooke chuckle._

_“What I mean,” she emphasizes, followed with a small eye roll, “after today I won’t obsess over it anymore, I’ll just make a decision.”_

_“Okay, that’s something I guess,” Vanessa makes a vague gesture with her hand, “when it makes a big buck do I get some percentage for being the good influence?” she smiles sweetly, batting her eyelashes._

_If Vanessa didn’t think she’s imagining things, she’d say that she managed to pull a small blush on Brooke’s cheeks._

_“We’ll work something out,” Brooke winks and flags the bartender again._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii everyone!
> 
> Here we go with another chapter.   
> I'm so happy that the first one was well received and I love you all! 
> 
> Hope you like this one too and I look forward to your feedback <3
> 
> PS. song in question that inspired a part was Cross Me- Ed Sheeran ft Chance the Rapper

Brooke is antsy. She feels like she has too many clothes on, or maybe too little, because everything itches. It’s irrational since the back of the car is in leather, but she prefers to believe in that rather than the mix of emotions that are swirling inside, scratching at her, begging to be let out.

She won’t, of course. She just wishes for a day it will stop.

Today is apparently not that day, because universe loves to put more salt to the wound. Just by the first note of the song on the radio, she knows which one it is. It still stings, still makes anger bubble up.

“Sorry, can you please change the station?” she asks the driver.

“Still?” Nina, her agent, snorts next to her, not looking up from her phone, “you’ve yet to explain why you can’t hear it. I mean I understood when it was literally playing everywhere for a month, but now? Did one of the artists pee in your cereal, because the song is not bad.”

Brooke doesn’t say anything, just keeps staring at the window. Nina asked her the question countless times, and today she doesn’t even feel like verbally avoiding the topic.

“Silence as an answer. That’s new,” Nina shakes her head and drops it immediately, since she knows Brooke well. If she doesn’t want to say, she won’t.

Brooke just doesn’t know how is she just supposed to casually say, that she hates the song because it’s featuring Vanessa who Nina doesn’t know that Brooke knows. She also hates that song because it was dedicated to Kameron. She hates that song because it came from Vanessa publicly defending Kameron during an interview where they were dismissive of the athlete and wanted Vanessa’s “queer opinion” but it was a trap for them to create an excuse to be homophobic. Especially since Vanessa already publicly supported her for a while.

She hates that song because she had to see that music video. And she, most of all, hates that song because it marked the beginning of hell she was currently burning in.

“Do we know the final cast?” Brooke breaks the silence, looking at Nina.

Nina looks up, “no, they said you’d meet them today for the first chemistry reading.”

Brooke hums, she preferred knowing but okay. It was an all-female action movie, Ocean’s 8, and she is excited to do some fun movies again. Since her first Oscar nomination she only did serious roles which cemented her place in the industry, bringing her the second Oscar nomination. Brooke knew she won’t get it, but it’s still validation, and she’s only 33 after all.

For this one she didn’t even have to audition, Nina mentioned it to her once and Brooke wanted it. So when Nina called them, they literally couldn’t believe she’d want to do it, so they offered her the role then and there. Script arriving a day later.

Finally, the car pulls up to the studio and Brooke touches the shoulder of the driver, “thank you Tony, don’t wait up, I’ll call when we’re done.”

“Okay miss Brooke,” he smiles and nods, after which they both leave the car.

Nina goes ahead to do her own thing while Brooke hangs back at the lobby waiting to be called in for the reading. As always, she is too early, this time 20 minutes.

The room looks like a corporate waiting room which makes her nerves spike because it gives off a vibe of waiting for a ‘talk with the boss’, which is completely irrational since she’s never had a corporate job. She did one summer job as a waitress back when she was acting school which was enough to never do anything similar again. Thankfully, she had that option because her family is very financially secure. So, she’s always been an actress, from small barely paid roles back in her early twenties to now where she’s making more money than she could count.

Brooke takes a seat in a corner of the room where she isn’t instantly visible to have a small moment to herself before she has to get into the character and do chemistry readings.

As she’s pulling out the script from her bag, a voice she knows all too well startles her. “Pew! Kung Pow! Get your ass with a cross kick,” Vanessa play-sings her lyrics, “blowing air out, wear you out, you exhausted,” and Brooke is now sure the universe hates her today.

“You’re really proud of that moment huh?” another voice she also knows is heard. And Brooke is aware they still can’t see her because, well, they’re not in her line of sight, so she tries to figure out if she can run somewhere because the Kamjie front row show is not something she wants.

“Babe, that song came up on the radio as a sign! I got ya back, you’re gonna do fine. They called _you_ , all your readings went great” Vanessa says and continues humming.

Kameron sighs, “I know, but there is a chance it doesn’t go well with the lead,” and Brooke hears that they are closer, her heartbeat speeding up.

She sees them before they see her and Vanessa continues, “then it’s not gonna go well for the lead with … me” her sassy attitude dims down because on the last word she sees Brooke and once again both of them seem to hold their breath.

Kameron turns to see what made Vanessa react and her eyes bulge out. There is a moment of silence and Brooke sincerely wishes for the ground to swallow her.

“Hi.” Kameron timidly says, her attitude towards Brooke vastly different than the last time they spoke.

Brooke clears her throat before pushing out a “Hello.”

Vanessa looks at the script in Brooke’s hands and says, “guessing you’re the lead actress.”

“Mhm,” Brooke nods, praying for this conversation to end because well her anger is starting to simmer again, especially with this new development.

Vanessa seems to compose herself before saying, “great” and they look at each other for a second before Kameron leads them to sit on the other side of the room.

Brooke tries to ignore the situation developing in front of her and opens the script to look at it again but the fact that she is probably going to be stuck doing a movie, she was actually excited for, with Kameron is seriously pissing her off. That means that all her efforts to avoid Vanessa like the plague are going to be useless now because she knows for a fact that Vanessa is too supportive not to be involved in this project for her girlfriend.

Seconds pass as hours and Brooke curses herself for being early this time. Especially since it takes great effort not to look at them and torture herself even more.

Instead of actually reading the lines, she notices how close they are sitting. Instead of trying to figure out the best way to approach the character now, she notices that they are quietly talking and that it’s annoying her that she doesn’t know what. It really annoys her that by the body language she can tell that Vanessa is being extra attentive to Kameron, probably reassuring her.

But when she notices Vanessa absentmindedly doing small braids in Kameron’s long hair while she reads her script, Brooke snaps.

She hastily gets up and goes to the toilet that she doesn’t actually need to use.

When the door closes behind her she looks at herself in the mirror and tries really hard not to break something, holding onto the sink.

After a few seconds, a door opens again and Vanessa is standing there, closing the door behind her and blocking it. It is obvious she didn’t come here to actually use the toilet, so Brooke braces herself.

“Please don’t let our…history, affect what happens in that reading.” And even though Vanessa looks genuine, Brooke can’t handle it. Anger starts bubbling up again, a feeling she was really close to letting go of, is recently back in full force.

Looking at her through the mirror, “I know you told her,” she says in response.

Vanessa is shocked and the guard she had before slowly starts coming back up, “Not like I could avoid it.”

Brooke still can’t look directly at her nor can she stop the bitter words, “I should’ve made you sign an NDA before you started spilling my private business to random people,” and whether she’d admit it or not she wants to make her feel even a little bit like she does.

“She’s my girlfriend. _I_ value honesty,” Vanessa crosses her arms and frowns.

Brooke scoffs and whips around to actually look at her, “that’s rich coming from you. Like it isn’t obvious you only just told her, you could’ve just kept avoiding it.”

“What’s your fucking problem, it’s not like she’s gonna tell anyone,” it is evident Vanessa is ready to fully snap at her but is keeping herself barely composed so she doesn’t make a scene. Brooke assumes it’s just out of care for Kameron and her position now, because otherwise she’d actually take the bait and give Brooke the fight she wants. And that hurts even more.

Brooke bites back, “And I’m just supposed to trust that?”

“You trusted me with it,” Vanessa says, hurt evident in her eyes.

But Brooke can’t handle that either, “and look where it brought me.” That’s just a small part of what she actually wanted to say but her pride won’t let her.

Vanessa takes a step forward, evident that it struck a nerve, “what is that supposed to mean?”

“You know what-,” Brooke stops herself, okay, she can’t have this conversation “nothing,” she raises her hands and takes a step back because she can smell Vanessa’s perfume all of a sudden and it’s suffocating her.

“Of course,” Vanessa chuckles bitterly, “you’d think for such a good actress you’d know how to express your feelings,” she bites and Brooke sees red.

As she was to bite back, tension ready to snap, the door to the bathroom opens and Kameron carefully enters.

“Sorry, but we’re being called in,” she says, apologetic look on her face.

__

_ Four years ago _

_Brooke is both excited and terrified. She just left the final meetings for the movie and has received the final script, so she is currently extremely jittery. It went surprisingly well, the whole process, and while it is a challenging role, it feels right. From the first reading it clicked, she knew then it’s the right fit and she is so glad that was her final decision. If she’s being honest, anytime she started to overthink, a raspy voice rang in her head saying ‘chicken shit’, making her take a deep breath and push through._

_Brooke knew vaguely of Vanessa beforehand, or at least of Vanjie, just because of her interview, but has not actually listened to her music. Only after that first meeting did she thoroughly google her and realised that, in fact, she has heard Vanessa’s songs but just didn’t recognize them as hers. She also realised that Vanessa is even more charming when she’s in her own element. And that she did not imagine how stunning Vanessa was._

_She, then, hovered over that follow button on Instagram for too long to be accepted as rational, but that’s beside the point. It’s not like she can allow herself to be that transparent, at least in her mind, because she had a very straight reputation to uphold. Anytime she was about to follow her, a bunch of gossip news headlines appeared in her head and she’d stop herself._

_It is a possibility that she is too paranoid, but it’s a possibility she chooses to ignore._

_Though, she hopes this will be a short infatuation, as it was in other cases, and that she’ll go back to her regular ‘no non-platonic feelings’ mood._

_She looks at her watch and realises there is some time before Tony, a driver she recently hired, will pick her up, since they have finished earlier than expected. So Brooke decides to stop at a coffee shop to grab herself a latte._

_The shop is pretty small and the interior is modern-industrial, looking like a nice relaxing place to drink your coffee in peace. Brooke decides if the coffee is actually good, this will be her place when the filming starts._

_When she orders and receives her cup, she begins to look for a table to sit at, preferably in a corner somewhere._

_She spots a small table in the back and is about to make a beeline for it when a voice stops her, “Brooke?”_

_As she follows the sound of her name, she is met with Vanessa who is sitting at a table, looking pretty in expensive athletic wear, her long dark wavy hair loose and thrown over one shoulder._

_“Oh hi,” she smiles at her, “we meet again,”_

_Vanessa smiles back, “wanna sit?” and Brooke hesitates before responding with a short nod and sitting down with her coffee across from Vanessa._

_“How’ve you been?” Brooke asks dumbly and Vanessa keeps looking at her with a friendly expressing which significantly calms her down._

_“Good, working my ass off but y’know it’s not work if you’re having fun,” Vanessa says, “how are you? I see that you’ve cut your hair.”_

_Brooke instinctively touches her, now, short blonde bob, “yeah, it’s for the movie, but I think it’s here to stay.”_

_“It should, it looks great,” Vanessa agrees then continues, “with that suit it’s giving real power lesbian energy.”_

_While it could be just a simple compliment, it makes Brooke blush profusely from flattery and fear of being obvious. Vanessa just slightly smirks at her reaction and continues, “and thank god you took the movie. Is it the one we talked about?”_

_The change in subject makes Brooke compose herself and chuckle, “yes it is. We start filming soon, so here goes nothing,” she raises her cup slightly up, then takes a sip._

_“You’ll do fine,” Vanessa waves her hand, “if they disagree, I have no problem cussing them out for ya. But, I have watched some of your stuff, you’re good.”_

_Brooke feels heat pool in her cheeks again from the easy admission and stops a laugh from imagining someone as small as Vanessa yelling at people, “not that good if you only just watched it,” she jokes._

_“Nah, I’m a re-watcher type a girl, the most recent movie I watched was the Notebook probably, I don’t keep up with the new ones,” Vanessa shrugs, “the classics give me all the feels that I need so you know.”_

_Brooke chuckles and is, once again, aware of the air of familiarity surround them, “then I don’t feel bad for not knowing your music.”_

_“As long as you know it now,” Vanessa winks._

_“Hah,” Brooke’s corner of the mouth rises before she takes another sip, “so what have you been up to?”_

_“Just did a recording session on a new track, can’t tell you more though,” Vanessa smiles brightly, excitement evident, “working on the album too, and all.”_

_Brooke smiles too, “that’s great, from what I saw there is a lot of buzz for your first solo album.”_

_Now Vanessa’s cheeks turn rosy, “yeah, it’s all unreal, but I’m living,” she moves her hand through her hair, “though after all the moving around for gigs and promo for singles, I’m finally at one place for a moment.”_

_“God, promo always drains me towards the end,” Brooke sighs then remembers to correct herself, “not that I don’t love my job, it’s a blessing to be in this position,” quickly adding._

_Vanessa giggles, “chill mami, I ain’t interviewing you,” that makes Brooke relax and giggle too, then Vanessa continues, “I get what you mean, I’m still a newbie at this but now I get when I heard celebrities sometimes complain. Thank God I thrive from performing otherwise I’d lose it.”_

_“Same…but like, with acting,” Brooke agrees, and she’s about continue the conversation when her phone dings. Tony texting that he’s up front, “sorry, I got to cut this short, but my driver just arrived.”_

_Vanessa looks like she’s disappointed at the news but tries not to show it, “too bad,” she says then pauses to think, then speaks again, “I’m guessing there’s no point in asking for your phone number so we can hang out sometime if you’ll start filming soon?”_

_Brooke is honestly shocked at the question; she didn’t think Vanessa would actually consider having this thing be more than casual acquaintances and she, herself, didn’t prepare for possibly having a direct contact to Vanessa; someone who she’s already attracted to._

_But there’s no way she can say no, so she reaches out her hand and Vanessa’s eyebrows slightly rise._

_She struggles to contain a smile as she hands her phone to Brooke who quickly types in her number, saving her contact as Brooke with theatre masks emoji._

_When she hands her the phone back, she decides to be brave and says, “Text me and we’ll see,” with a wink._

_Brooke stays for a millisecond, just to see a small blush appear again on Vanessa’s cheeks, then turns around and leaves._

_Later that day, she gets a notification that ‘vanessavanjie is now following her on Instagram’, giving her the courage to press that follow back button._

_Almost immediately a text comes through, ‘disappointed to find out you weren’t following me already’_

_‘I could say the same’ Brooke immediately replies, saving the number as V and a detective emoji._

_‘So I’ll have to do everything first?’ Vanessa texts back and Brooke feels the tips of her ears burn – wondering if she’s really flirting with her._

_Brooke thinks about what to respond, wants to test it real bad, her gut screaming at her to make the move. Only thing holding her back is fear that she’s misreading this, and the general concern for keeping her closet door steel shut, but that’s irrelevant at the moment._

_She feels her heartbeat skip and presses send._

_‘I take initiative in other things ;)’_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!! Tell me what you think <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovelies! 
> 
> I finally managed to get back to writing this again, so here we are. This one is a bit longer than the others, because I literally have no control over my writing at this point. 
> 
> Hope you like it!

Vanessa just hung up on a phone interview that was a bit annoying, the focus was supposed to be on her upcoming album, but they kept steering the subject to Kameron and their relationship. As much as it’s fun and making a lot of buck, as well as serving as good LGBT representation, the fact that general public immediately only focuses on them as a couple instead of two separate individuals is sometimes irritating. But they don’t complain, it’s their own doing in the end.

It started because Kameron decided to take a first break from fighting and because Vanessa needed to take a break to focus on an album, and not on ‘special circumstances’ she found herself in. People were already shipping them on the down low due to their mutual support on social media, so Jason thought it would be a good idea to turn it into a PR relationship, so that both of them can still hang out as friends, but at the same time capitalize it. Especially since couple brand deals are really lucrative. They were skeptic at first, sure that it won’t work because, well, they’re not a straight couple.

However, when Vanessa posted a photo on Instagram, where Kameron is holding her in a piggy back while she kisses her cheek with a caption ‘I always got your back’, the massive response was unreal. Mostly because it was timed perfectly, after she was asked to speak on Kameron’s behaviour in an interview, and almost left in the middle of it from how riled up she got. At this point, it’s valid to say, Vanessa is not good in interviews. Then Kameron posted an outtake of that picture, where Vanessa is trying to climb on her neck with a caption ‘I bet you really wanted to write I got your neck, back, cat emoji and peach emoji’. With the explosion after that and public announcement, Ed Sheeran approached Vanessa to collaborate on a song Cross Me, in which music video Kameron and Ed’s wife starred in, and it’s been an uphill from there.

The biggest fish they caught was an offer for Kameron to star in an all-female cast movie, which is a dream come true. They are both aware they asked her because it would bring a lot of publicity, but it doesn’t mean it’s not an opportunity to have something else besides professional fighting as a way of earning money, especially after the inevitable retirement.

Only thing they didn’t think of, was the fact this will be a big fish to fry as well, considering that Brooke Lynn Hytes is the lead actress. Vanessa believed there would be a small chance, if none at all, since Brooke has moved from femme fatale movies, or at least those that are on a less serious side, but of course life doesn’t work that way.

So just as Vanessa felt she was finally moving on and leaving all of it behind, she gets sucked back into hurt and disappointment.

That’s probably the reason she’s sensitive about talking about Kameron recently.

Speaking of, Vanessa realizes it’s time to go pick her up from the set, since they made plans to go to the gym together.

Thank God, everything went well in the reading and moving forward, because Kameron was shitting bricks when they found out Brooke is the lead actress. Not that Brooke didn’t look like she was also shitting bricks when she saw them in that studio, but turns out the created tension worked in their favour.

“Vanjie!” she hears a familiar voice, one that always makes her break out a sweat. She looks out the window of her car and sees Rihanna leaning on the wall, smoking. Vanessa met her once before filming of this movie, and still, she gets star struck.

She didn’t plan on leaving the car this time around, but there’s no way she’s going to ignore Rihanna.

“Hi,” Vanessa approaches her, resisting the urge to bow down or something, “how’s it going?”

Rihanna moves to give her a quick hug, “set life and all. You here to get your girl?”

“Yeah, we have plans,” Vanessa nods, “is she done?”

“Should be,” Rihanna looks at her phone, “they were filming her last scene of the day.”

Vanessa looks around and even though the red light on the big entry door is not on, it seems to be real quiet.

“How’s your album going? Kameron mentioned you are working on it,” she asks, taking a drag of her blunt.

“Good, good, we recording it,” Vanessa smiles, “I keep changing shit, probably annoying everyone,” she shrugs, “trying to rise to the expectations, y’know.”

Rihanna nods, “as it usually goes,” then she lightly touches her arm, “but keep in mind, you only need to meet your expectations, no one else’s.”

“Easy for you to say, you’re Rihanna,” Vanessa says, not sure herself why she’s oversharing like this, “you can’t do wrong, if you just sat there and read bread recipes to me I’d probably consider it a bop, like everyone else.”

Rihanna chuckles, “well, me, Rihanna, would do a song with you, if that was my career journey now, no second-guessing,” she says and Vanessa almost faints then and there, then she places a finger over Vanessa’s heart, “trust in this and you’ll do great things.”

Vanessa is stunned out of words, but manages to push out a “thank you,” and Rihanna winks.

At that moment doors to the set open and the director walks out, “Rihanna, you’re up,” he says then notices Vanessa, “oh hi Vanjie! Long-time no see, where’ve you been?” he walks up to them, pulling out cigarettes.

“What do ya mean? I was here like four days ago,” a surprised chuckle escapes her, “if you want me on the regular, you know my price,” she jokes.

He laughs, turning to Rihanna, “are you hearing this? Like I didn’t offer a cameo which she declined, breaking my heart.”

Rihanna raises her hand up in surrender, laughing too.

“You did, you did, but the acting business is more of a Kam’s specialty,” Vanessa shrugs, smiling, “the only lines I can do are the ones in the recording studio, shenanigans I wrote myself,” she says making them laugh.

Vanessa has been on set three times since they’ve started filming four weeks ago, and she’s honestly had a blast. The director loved her so much the first day, he really did offer a cameo role for her just to have an excuse to have her included. She’s gets along great with everyone, mostly with Rihanna, which is still unbelievable. Well, not everyone. Brooke definitely avoids her when she does visit. They haven’t spoken a single sentence since the bathroom moment.

She can tell Brooke is pissed at her for some reason. Anger clear in her words then, and in her looks at Vanessa now, when they do make eye contact. Vanessa seriously can’t figure out why the hell is Brooke mad at her. Especially since Brooke is the one who made her decisions and Brooke is the one who put them in this position. Distance, coldness or pure ignorance, Vanessa would understand – she wouldn’t be able to take it, but she’d understand – but the anger, she doesn’t understand. Worst thing is, she doesn’t dare ask, plus Brooke clearly has no intention or desire to speak to her.

She can also tell that Brooke can’t focus and gets anxious when Vanessa is watching them shoot. Kameron even confirmed that. So, that’s the reason she doesn’t visit as much, whether she’d admit it to herself or not. Once Vanessa got confirmation it’s probably happening because of her, there’s no way she could consciously put Brooke through it, despite everything.

“Hey babe,” Kameron makes them all turn around.

Vanessa smiles at her, pleased to see a slight spring in Kameron’s step, indicating it was one of the good days, “hey, you ready to go?”

Kameron puts her arm around Vanessa’s waist, then presses a small kiss on the side of her head, “yeah,” and Vanessa notices a very common reaction of the inaudible ‘aww’ from their company. It still surprises her and makes her blush that people genuinely find them that cute, and they’re not even really together. Jason calls it ‘the hot couple fantasy’, where he believes as long as you look aesthetically pleasing together, anything you do is cute.

“Well, let’s hit it then,” Vanessa swings her car keys around her finger, “see you guys soon,” she says with a small wave as they make it back to her car.

Just as Vanessa is about to open her car door, the front door to the studio opens and Brooke walks out. When she sees Vanessa there is a pause in her step and Vanessa thinks how it’s not fair that even with now brunette hair, done just for the movie, she looks beautiful. Vanessa opens her mouth to say something, maybe a hello, but the anger mixed with a tad of hurt that crosses Brooke’s expression stops her. Vanessa closes her mouth as Brooke turns her head from her and quickly walks away.

When they get into the car and drive off, there is a couple of minutes of silence. There are no thoughts in Vanessa’s head, but there are emotions that need to settle and Kameron knows her enough to just let her be.

“So how did the filming go?” Vanessa breaks the silence, making Kameron look up and put her phone away.

“It was amazing, I didn’t have to look at my script today at all,” she excitedly says, “and I’m definitely feeling confident now. We were going through the takes so fast, it almost gave me a whiplash.”

Vanessa smiles, happy to hear Kameron fully settle into the role, “glad to hear it, I knew you can do it.”

Kameron smiles back, “thank you. It’s with your effort too, that much hyping up, I don’t think even the high school football teams get.”

“Can’t help it, especially ‘cause you just need a lil’ push,” Vanessa briefly looks at Kameron then continues, “plus, you know how I am. It ain’t my song if it doesn’t have a moment where I yell something.”

“True, true,” Kameron laughs. There is a pause in the conversation before Kameron speaks up again, “Brooke was actually nice to me today.”

Vanessa has to suppress a cough, “Mhm? How so?”

“You know how we sometimes run through scenes together or have a rare and bizzare small talk during breaks which I initiate because I’m stupid like that?” Kameron carefully says, to which Vanessa just nods and continues watching the road, “well today we talked a bit as a group and this was the first time I felt like she’s talking to me as a co-star not like your current girlfriend.”

“That doesn’t surprise me, professionalism will always prevail with her,” Vanessa says, still not looking at Kameron.

“Mhm, but I think I ruined it later,” Kameron says unsureness in her tone, “I know I’m not supposed to meddle, but later, I came up to her and told her that I apologise if we made her uncomfortable and that I’d never tell anyone, lesbian’s honour and all.”

Vanessa feels her chest tighten and panic bubble, “what? You didn’t tell her we are not really together, right?!”

“No. No! I just feel bad if she feels unsafe, or like I’m going to blab to the next newspaper. She seemed very angry at you at the reading. And I wanted to clarify that you haven’t told me more than that you had intimate history that didn’t work out,” Kameron nervously pushes out.

For a quick second, Vanessa face-palms, then remembers she’s driving, so she just takes a deep breath and grips the wheel again, “Kam. Babe. Why are you such a people pleaser? Hm?”

“I know, I know. I’m sorry. But there is so much tension between you two…” Kameron starts but Vanessa interrupts her, “how did she even react to that?”

Kameron chuckles, “she actually said that she highly doubts you agree with me talking to her about this. And that she definitely doesn’t want to discuss anything about you with me.”

Vanessa huffs, “well, she ain’t wrong.”

“And she told me that I should only think about our professional relationship because any else is never going to exist so unless I have something movie related to talk about, she’s gonna leave,” Kameron finishes as Vanessa pulls up to the gym.

At this point, Vanessa is truly counting the days their filming is over, even though she knows there another three weeks left, there’s also promo, premiere and all that jazz, but at least they won’t be stuck in the same place together every day which creates an opportunity for these types of conversations.

“Trust me, she means it,” Vanessa gets out of the car and opens the trunk to take her gym bag, Kameron following her lead, taking hers as well, “and please don’t try to fix this. Or mend it, or whatever.”

“Did I cross a line?” Kameron asks, face immediately apologetic, “I swear I just wanted her not to be mad at you.”

Vanessa’s face softens and she reaches out to hold her hand, “you didn’t. But believe me, if anyone should be mad, it’s me.” She gets an immediate roll of fast flashbacks to everything that happened and it still hurts. She, unfortunately, moved past the anger, something that kept her sane, but she still can’t move past the hurt.

Kameron pulls her closer, so she can hug her, “okay,” then Vanessa feels her hesitate before quietly asking, “were you in love?”

That question makes her entire being freeze. Then, she takes breath and slightly moves out of her embrace, “it’s in the past,” she says, barely believing it herself and Kameron nods. They look at each other for a second, Kameron studying her face before Vanessa puts on a smile and says, “now let’s go inside and get slayed by your trainer,” kissing her cheek and moving past her.

_ Three and a half years ago _

_Vanessa is already getting slightly buzzed from all the alcohol and she’s feeling great. Akeria, the owner of the club, Morgan, the host, Silky, her assistant, and Vanessa are really throwing it down in the VIP section. They could very well go on to the dance floor, since this is one of the exclusive clubs but there is no need, company is already great._

_“You know the DJ is gonna ask you to go up and sing, right?” Akeria says to Vanessa as she takes another sip of her drink._

_“That’s fine, I’m up for a little crowd action,” Vanessa nods and all of them ‘woo’ at her answer which makes Akeria give a thumbs up to the DJ._

_Morgan tops them all off so they can do a shot together and when they drink it she turns to Vanessa, “you got yourself a girl yet?”_

_“Pf, she’s still hung up on that straight chick,” Silky pours herself another._

_Morgan’s jaw drops slightly, “Not a straight chick…Vanessa, baby, why?” then she frowns, “wait what straight chick?”_

_“We don’t know she’s straight,” Vanessa rolls her eyes at Silky, then explains to Morgan, “Brooke Lynn Hytes, that hot shot new actress.”_

_“Chile, she’s seen leaving somewhere with a new man, like, each week, she basically has them on rotation,” Akeria pipes in, waving her hand off._

_“Ooh, I know her,” Morgan realises, “she is hot though, I’d be doing the same if I was her.”_

_Vanessa now frowns, “that still doesn’t prove she’s straight, she might just not be out. I have a feeling,” she crosses her arms._

_“Yeah, a feeling in your panties,” Silky laughs._

_“Whatever,” Vanessa rolls her eyes._

_But yes, Vanessa is hung up on Brooke. Ever since they exchanged numbers and started to follow each other on Instagram, they’ve kept in touch. It started with sending DMs over stories each of them posted, mostly Vanessa asking about the movie Brooke was filming, to the point where it was almost everyday updates from Brooke from the set. Or it was Brooke asking about Vanessa’s album and trying to get sneak peaks._

_She definitely learned more about Brooke than she expected to, and she liked her very much. Brooke was unintentionally funny, sweet and an anxious overthinking mess, but at the same time cut throat ambitious, driven and a perfectionist. She was also, so, so hot, but that’s just an added bonus._

_They were also sometimes flirty, or at least if Vanessa throws a bone, Brooke throws it right back. So you know, fingers crossed that she’s at least bi._

_In any case, Brooke finished with filming this week and Vanessa is working up the courage to ask her to hang out, if Brooke doesn’t first._

_“…We have a special guest tonight,” Vanessa tunes back into the present as the DJ’s speaking, “someone who can really bring this next song to life,” he turns to Vanessa and smiles, so she gets up and walks up to the stage._

_In that moment everyone in the club recognizes her and there is a glass shattering scream that still gives her a special kind of rush._

_“One and only, Miss Vanjie!” he yells into the mic as she reaches him and somehow the screams are even louder._

_Vanessa takes the mic from him, spotlight now only on her, “how’s everyone doing tonight?” she grins, putting on the extra flair to her voice and there is another wave of screams, “Akeria here is making me pay for drinks this way, so let’s make it an expensive one, something to get y’all in the right mood” she winks and her most recent song starts playing, one on the more explicit side._

_It’s like there’s a switch the moment the first words leave her mouth. She’s immediately in the mood of the song and she’s dancing, rapping her little ass off. Crowd following her._

_As the song finishes, she almost asks for another one but Akeria is already waving excitedly with another bottle of tequila, so she thanks everyone and comes back down._

_“You really get the crowd going,” Morgan comments when Vanessa sits down._

_Silky nods and adds, “just give her a mic and it’s on”_

_“Thank you,” she smiles at them, “it’s no surprise I could do this all the time.”_

_“As long as you do it in my club, I have no problems with it,” Akeria hands her a drink and winks._

_Vanessa’s phone buzzes on the table, screen showing two new messages from Brooke. She immediately opens it, her heart already skipping._

_‘Can’t believe I got a free concert too’ followed by a picture of Vanessa performing minutes ago._

_Brooke is here and Vanessa immediately sticks her neck out, trying to make her out in the crowd. The picture is from the other side of the club, from what Vanessa can tell._

_‘Come over and say hi’ Vanessa sends back, her hands already sweating from anticipation._

_There are a few moments before the reply comes, ‘I’m alone at the table atm, you come find me’_

_Vanessa immediately gets up which makes everyone turn to look at her._

_“I gotta do something,” she quickly says, “I’ll meet you later.” It makes all of them frown at her, but she doesn’t stay long enough for them to respond. She’s already walking down to find Brooke._

_Thankfully, she is familiar with Akeria’s club, since she spent most of her time here even before she became famous. So she knows Brooke is probably in the bigger VIP section that is on the other side of the club, the more hidden one, where most actual celebrities go._

_As Vanessa approaches the stairs to it, she spots Brooke sitting in a booth looking at her phone. She’s wearing a deep green small strappy dress that makes her legs fully on display. Vanessa’s fingerprints twitch at the thought of how smooth they probably feel._

_She approaches the security guy who smiles when he sees her, “Good evening miss Vanjie”_

_“Good evening Liam, can you let a girl through?” Vanessa smiles at him too._

_He immediately opens the rope, since he knows her and she definitely doesn’t need to be on the list, “Of course, let me know if you need anything.”_

_She takes a step in, “thank you”_

_It takes Brooke a second to notice her, a soft smile appearing on her face. Vanessa struts her way to her and appreciates the tiny once-over Brooke does._

_“You can just charm your way in anywhere?” she asks as Vanessa approaches her._

_“Don’t know about anywhere, but I’m hoping for some places,” Vanessa smirks and it makes a small blush appear on Brooke’s cheeks, indicating that the message came across how Vanessa intended._

_Vanessa sits down and moves closer to give Brooke a brief hug. If she has to suppress the urge not to fully dive her nose in Brooke’s hair from the whiff of sweet smelling perfume that hit her, nobody has to know._

_It’s almost unreal to see her in person, since Brooke’s been practically living in her phone for about two and a half months now, plus there’s already tension brewing between them, so Vanessa is definitely ready to marvel in this._

_“Thought now that you finished recording, you’d want to take a break from all the singing,” Brooke comments when they separate, but doesn’t move to create more space between them and Vanessa counts that as a win._

_Vanessa shakes her head, “the moment I need a break from yelling into the mic is gonna be the moment I retire.”_

_“Fair enough,” Brooke chuckles, then says, “you were great out there.”_

_Now it’s Vanessa’s time to blush, “thank you,” then she looks around, “though, why’re you sitting here all by yourself?”_

_Brooke sighs, “Came here to celebrate end of filming with my friend Detox, but she found herself a potential man, so she’s feeling it up somewhere on the dance floor. I have to stay in case she decides she needs rescuing.”_

_“Ahh, now that’s a good friend,” Vanessa nods, “well guess it’s your lucky night, you have me to keep you company.”_

_“What about your friends?” Brooke asks._

_“They can keep themselves entertained without me, especially if there’s alcohol involved,” Vanessa waves her hand._

_“Okay” she smiles and Vanessa smiles back with, “in that case, how about we do shots and hit the dance floor? Or do you need to keep a close watch on your friend?”_

_Brooke shakes her head, “it’s been long enough, she’ll probably text me any minute now that I’m free to go. So, lead the way.”_

_“Great!” Vanessa gets up and Brooke follows right behind._

_When they approach the bar, the bartender Rajah, comes over to serve them right away, “Hi Vanj, what can I get ya?”_

_Vanessa smiles at her, “two tequila shots, please.”_

_“Do you know every member of staff? How much time are you spending here?” Brooke asks, bewildered._

_The closeness of their bodies distracts Vanessa for a second, as the music is louder here and she has to literally speak in her ear. Vanessa turns slightly, “Yes. Akeria, the owner, is one of my closest friends. I’m here a lot.”_

_Rajah places the two shots in front of her, definitely doubles, and winks at her. Vanessa takes them and hands one to Brooke who immediately takes it._

_“To livin’ and thrivin’,” Vanessa raises her glass and Brooke clinks it before they both down it._

_They both make sour expressions, chuckling at each other, then placing the empty glasses back on the bar. “C’mon,” Vanessa takes Brooke’s hand and leads her to a corner that is a bit less crowded and where they’re not easily spotted._

_The songs are upbeat, mostly pop and Vanessa starts dancing, feeling the happy buzz course through her. Brooke seems amused enough by her dance moves, so she starts dancing too, basically mimicking her through and through._

_With each song, Vanessa finds another interesting, and rather attractive, fact about Brooke. She’s a really good dancer. So good that Vanessa feels slightly surprised and a bit self-conscious, even though her whole life has literally revolved around dancing. But, the way Brooke follows her and is clearly entertained, makes all those small doubts go away._

_The alcohol they keep ordering every now and then helps too._

_For the most part, Vanessa doesn’t feel like she’s going to lose her mind, since they’re not in each other’s personal space that much and, well, songs are not very sensual. Though, that doesn’t last forever, because out of nowhere, the beat changes and the whole atmosphere shifts._

_It takes both of them a moment to adjust and start following the beat. It definitely leads them closer to each other, and it definitely starts to mess with Vanessa’s brain, because once again she is fully surrounded by Brooke’s perfume and it’s starting to make her lose it. They are literally tip toing around each other, on the brink of breaking that last boundary and fully moving against each other, but they somehow never do and it just makes the tension build so much it feels like both of them might burst if they touch each other for longer than a millisecond._

_They created this hazy bubble in which they stay until the songs change back to pop, happy and light._

_In that moment, Brooke asks, “wanna go sit?” and Vanessa nods in response. Brooke takes her hand and leads her back to the VIP section._

_They crash down in the booth, side by side, both out of breath._

_Vanessa notices that they are, once again, close enough to touch and it makes heat pool in her stomach. Their arms are right next to each other and it only takes one small move to touch._

_She decides to shoot her shot and moves her pinky finger, placing it over Brooke’s._

_Brooke instantly turns her head to the right to find Vanessa already looking at her with hooded eyes. She sees the moment something changes in Brooke’s eyes and Vanessa holds her breath._

_Brooke focuses on Vanessa’s lips, not moving an inch. Vanessa moves her head a bit which makes Brooke’s eyes snap back to Vanessa’s, blue in them barely visible anymore. Vanessa waits another beat and Brooke looks at her lips again, then back to her eyes and Vanessa sees the nervousness and unsureness appear._

_Vanessa smirks, “chicken shit.”_

_Brooke’s eyes widen at that, she seems to compose herself and then her expression turns hard, she leans in a bit and says, “your place or mine?” almost arrogantly._

_“Yours,” Vanessa immediately replies, barely able to control her smile._

_Brooke keeps their eye contact while she pulls out her phone to make a call. Vanessa doesn’t dare to look away._

_“Hi Tony, I’m ready to leave, can you pick me up at the back entrance, please?” she says politely, then after a moment, “great, thanks,” she hangs up._

_“He’ll be here in five. Let’s go,” Brooke says and gets up, offering a hand to Vanessa who takes it right away._

_Brooke practically pulls her up and promptly leads her to the back entrance._

_They don’t say a word while they walk nor while they wait. And for Vanessa, those short minutes feel like hours. Her heartbeat is already probably at a 100 beats per minute and she should really try to compose herself._

_Finally, a black car pulls up, and Brooke opens the back door for Vanessa who blushes at the gesture and goes inside._

_“Good evening miss Brooke and miss…,” he greets politely and Vanessa adds, “Vanessa,” then he continues, “good evening miss Vanessa.”_

_“Good evening Tony,” Brooke greets him too, “take us home, and roll up the partition please,” she says and Vanessa nearly chokes. He nods and presses a button that separates them from him, creating a feeling of privacy._

_Brooke turns to look at Vanessa and she is almost certain she’s about to have a heart attack. The car starts moving and so does Brooke. She pulls Vanessa by her neck, crashing their lips together. The hardness of the kiss makes a small whimper escape from Vanessa which prompts Brooke to deepen the kiss, completely taking control._

_Vanessa is practically melting into the back seat from how good it feels and while she feels like she is surrounded by Brooke completely, it’s still not enough. She pushes slightly against her, still not separating their lips, and Brooke lets her. Vanessa then throws her leg over Brooke, so she can straddle her._

_Brooke’s hands migrate from Vanessa’s face down her body, until they reach her ass and settle there, pulling her closer._

_Vanessa grabs her hair and pulls her head back, making Brooke gasp and chase after her lips. This makes Vanessa decided that this is the only way Brooke should be kissed, judging by how unbelievably beautiful she looks._

_While they start to slowly move against each other, Vanessa’s hand trails down and grazes Brooke’s dress strap, making it fall over her shoulder, then her hand goes down her chest, stomach, until it finally reaches her leg, and she starts pushing Brooke’s dress up._

_Brooke bites her lower lip, and stops her, making Vanessa pout._

_“Patience,” she whispers, her lips forming a smirk and Vanessa has to suppress a moan._

_“Knew you were a tease,” Vanessa says before she kisses her again._

_/_

_Vanessa wakes up gradually. Her whole body feels like it’s fused to the mattress because of how much her muscles are relaxed. There is a slight throbbing in her head from the hangover but it doesn’t matter, because she feels a hand over her waist and small puffs of air on the top of her head._

_Last night was definitely something else. And Brooke is definitely not straight._

_The ride to Brooke’s house felt like it lasted too long and too short at the same time. But once they arrived it was on. She still gets a small shudder when she remembers how Brooke picked her up right of her feet to carry her to the bedroom and how she literally threw her on the bed before crawling on herself. Vanessa is definitely going to store that memory for later on, so she can forever replay it in her head._

_In her 25 years on this Earth, not once did someone make her lose her mind four times on a one-night stand. Well, she hopes this won’t be a one-night stand._

_She moves her toes a bit, to regain some feel in her legs, then she carefully turns around to face Brooke who takes a deep breath and moves her hand from Vanessa’s waist to her hair to put her face against her neck. Then Brooke pushes her leg between Vanessa’s, so that now they have a full body contact._

_Vanessa grazes her nose against Brooke’s neck and shoulder, her movement restricted by the hand that’s still in her hair. She gets bored really quickly, so she starts leaving small kisses wherever she can reach._

_“Thought I tired you enough last night,” Brooke’s raspy voice comes through._

_Vanessa leaves one more tiny kiss before saying, “you sure did, but I’m bored so wake up.”_

_Brooke chuckles, then moves her hand through Vanessa’s hair, down to her lower back and puts some space between them so she can look at her._

_“Morning,” Brooke smiles at her before leaning over to peck her lips._

_“Morning,” Vanessa replies then presses their lips together once more, “so I’m assuming you’re not straight?”_

_Brooke starts making small circles on Vanessa’s back, “such loaded question before I even had my coffee,” she jokes but then continues, “no, I am not.”_

_“Good,” Vanessa smiles, “’cause I wanted to jump your bones probably from the second I saw you. And all of this back and forth was starting to make me go crazy. So I’m glad to know, where we’re at.”_

_Brooke laughs, “feeling’s mutual,” kissing her again, then her expression turns serious, “though, if you want to continue this, no one can know. I have no plans on publicly coming out now, or possibly ever.”_

_Vanessa nods, skeptical, “okay…I mean, that’s fine, not like I want my private business out for the world. Though, you know I’m out.”_

_“I know, but as long as this is on the down low and no one finds out, like the media of any kind, I don’t care,” Brooke shrugs._

_Vanessa thinks it through, it’s not like it’s an unreasonable request. She understands why Brooke wouldn’t want to be out to the public and despite being out, Vanessa doesn’t really care that much about having her private relationships on display, especially early on._

_“Okay, but I have to tell you, I have mentioned you to Akeria and Silky,” she says._

_It is evident that Brooke pauses a bit, probably out of panic, “to what extent?”_

_“Like, that I’m talking to you and that given a chance I’d pounce on you,” Vanessa carefully explains, already fearing this could be the deal breaker, but it’s not like she can really hide it from her best friends._

_Brooke seems to mull over her words before she speaks again, “how much do you trust them?”_

_“With my life. They are practically family. I’ve known Silky since middle school and Akeria since high school. Ride or die and all that,” Vanessa states, “they even voluntarily signed NDAs when my whole career exploded.”_

_Brooke relaxes a bit again, “okay, but just them, please. No one else.”_

_Vanessa nods, “I can work with that. Promise. I’m aware you live in a state of stress, but trust me, you don’t need to stress over them knowing.”_

_Brooke nods too, chuckling a bit, “Good.”_

_“And what is this exactly?” Vanessa gestures between them, smiling sweetly._

_It makes Brooke pause again to think before she answers, “how about an exclusive fun?”_

_That’s definitely a start. It’s even defined as exclusive, so Vanessa can get behind this, “great.”_

_Brooke smiles then says, “if everything is now clear, how about breakfast and then round two?”_

_“Only if I don’t have to cook anything.”_

_“Deal,” Brooke seals it with a kiss and gets up._


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovelies!! 
> 
> I got super productive this week and this came out of it! I was going to wait for the weekend but some were convincing enough to publish it today. I wanted to see the episode first to see if there is something to write in but I guess it can be in the next chapter. 
> 
> Watch me just take songs and write them in here hahah. Also in terms of the song now, lets live in the fantasy where we change the pronouns and only a small bit of context. 
> 
> Hope you like ti and happy reading! <3

_ Three years ago _

_Vanessa is at a brink of sleep. She’s laying between Brooke’s legs, head on her lower stomach and Brooke is playing with her hair, something that Vanessa noticed she likes to do. At this point she swore to herself to never cut it, despite the hassle of long wavy hair, because this kind of thing is so relaxing. There is also the other part where Brooke wraps her hair around her hand and pulls on it, hard, when they’re being particularly aggressive in bed. That’s something Vanessa didn’t even know she liked until Brooke started doing it._

_“You wanna go to sleep?” Brooke scratches her scalp lightly and softly asks. It’s still not bedtime for Vanessa but anytime they do meet, it’s like Brooke makes it her mission to completely knock her out._

_Vanessa shakes her head, “not yet, waiting for the producer to send me the song so you can hear it.”_

_“What song?” Brooke asks, her hand pausing._

_Vanessa laughs, “the one I barely managed to mention before you attacked me from the doorway.”_

_“Ohh, right,” Brooke chuckles and continues to card her fingers through her hair._

_“I swear you are, whats the word…insatiable?” Vanessa comments, taking her phone to check it._

_Brooke chuckles again, “I’m just trying to make the most of our limited time.”_

_They do have limited time, because they’re not often in the same place. At most they see each other for half a day at a time but Vanessa is not complaining, they’re still talking over the phone every day, at the very least they text. So when they do see each other, it mostly reserved for sex._

_Vanessa’s phone buzzes and she jumps up, “yes! Got it.” She moves up from her position so she’s sitting next to Brooke and able to see her reaction._

_“Let’s hear it,” Brooke straightens up as well, and places her hand on Vanessa’s thigh, “when is it being released?”_

_“In two days, but I wanted you to hear it first,” Vanessa says, then suddenly feels shy about admitting, “it may or may not be a product of one of our fun evenings,” with the emphasis on ‘fun’._

_Brooke’s eyebrows rise and her fingers twitch, “play it.”_

_Vanessa hits play on the recording, and her newest single Big Ole Freak starts filling up the room. She has to admit, she’s very proud of this one and she definitely can’t wait for the music video to be out too._

_Brooke listens to it completely motionless, only her hand grips Vanessa’s thigh a bit harder halfway through and it makes Vanessa literally feel her heart in her ears. As they near the end of the song, Vanessa actually starts to feel nervous about Brooke’s reaction._

_When the song finishes there is a couple of seconds of silence and Vanessa holds her breath because Brooke’s face is unreadable._

_Then Brooke takes the phone from her and places it back on nigh stand before she grabs Vanessa’s legs to pull her down to lay on the bed. Vanessa gasps at the sudden movement and Brooke climbs on top of her, basically attacking her neck._

_“Brooke,” a surprised laugh leaves Vanessa when she unhooks her bra and definitely leaves a bruise below her ear._

_She starts moving down Vanessa’s body and the sheer dominance that is exuding from Brooke makes her unable to breathe._

_“You have interviews in the morning,” Vanessa barely manages to push out._

_Brooke looks up at her, eyes dark, “I don’t care,” she states as she pulls Vanessa’s panties down, giving her a full body shudder._

Present day

Vanessa is just in time for the lunch break when she arrives at the movie set. They are in the last stages of filming, which is the Met Gala scenes, so they’re now in New York. And since Vanessa also had some business to do in New York she decided to accompany Kameron.

“I heard from People’s magazine and they want to do a cover and an interview with me,” Kameron says excitedly when Vanessa approaches her. 

“Oh that’s amazing!” Vanessa high fives her, “look at you being a cover girl too.”

Kameron places a hand on her chest in mock offence, “excuse you, I was on the cover of Women’s health and multiple other sports magazines.”

“Right,” Vanessa nods then shrugs, “sorry babe I don’t read those.”

“Anyway, they wanna talk about my accomplishments, activism and bunch of other things, but they also want talk about my relationship with you,” Kameron continues, “and they want one picture with you too from our private collection,” she makes air quotes on the last words. 

“Of course they do,” Vanessa scoffs, “did you tell them the conditions?”

Kameron nods, “yes, yes. Extra 30% for a couple shot to me and to you. They didn’t even flinch.”

“Good,” Vanessa smiles, “pro bono is only for activism and charities.”

Kameron high fives her again, “you know that’s right.”

They pass Kameron’s trailer so that Vanessa can drop off her stuff and for Kameron to change to more comfortable shoes. Then they make their way to the lunch space.

“How did recording go? Are you still second guessing it?” Kameron asks.

Vanessa sighs, “it was good. We have the whole song as of today. It’s a lot, you know I wrote this song like before I met you, and it’s a different sound from mine. Everyone is, like, dying over it. But I don’t know.”

“I think the feeling of exposure is holding you back. It’s more personal,” Kameron comments.

And it’s true. Vanessa is not that afraid of doing something different. But she is afraid of putting her heart on display like this for everyone. Maybe not everyone. Just a certain someone.

“You don’t have to call a bish out,” Vanessa chuckles, “also you haven’t heard it fully, it could be shit.”

Kameron laughs, “as if.”

They are one of the first ones at lunch, which is a plus because then they can take their favourite things. And yes, Vanessa is eating too even though she’s not actually hired on the movie, but literally nobody minds, in fact, two of them get surrounded by people immediately every time.

Kameron fills her plate with meat and vegetables, enough for three people, along with bread, a juice and some nuts. Vanessa only takes a small portion of sushi, since she’s a really picky eater and a pescatarian, so usually there is not much to choose from.

“I keep forgetting how little you actually eat,” Kameron comments when she looks at Vanessa’s plate.

“I eat like normal people do, you’re the one eating crazy amounts,” Vanessa retorts, then rises a finger, “but it all goes in to those biceps so I ain’t complaining.”

There’s a real appreciation for Kameron’s body from Vanessa at all times. Especially her arms. Even though she doesn’t look at her that way, unfortunately, Vanessa imagines those would be perfect to throw someone around or hold down.

Once she did question if she’d actually do something about her outbursts of attraction. It was when she was laying on Kameron’s back, clinging like a koala, while Kameron was doing push ups. It was part of one of their couple workout videos, but was used instead as a post with a caption ‘how to multitask when you have a clingy gf’. It was reposted so many times with #couplegoals, that for three days Vanessa only looked at the way her muscles worked. But then they were bored one day and Vanessa was in her head a bit, so Kameron decided they should do live recreation of Grease songs in Kameron’s living room, acting like idiots, and Vanessa realized that they were definitely just friends.

Kameron starts to laugh, flexing her right hand as they turn to walk back to the table, “These ol’ things?” she asks but her voice dies down at the last word because they notice Brooke standing there, face hard, Vanessa even noticing a small flare to her nostrils.

Vanessa seriously wonders how does this keep happening.

“Hi,” Kameron greets her and Brooke’s eyes snap from Kameron’s biceps, face back to neutral, “Hello,” she says back and walks past them to get to the food.

Kameron shoots Vanessa a sympathetic look and Vanessa just exhales, motioning with her hand to go sit down.

This time they sit on the edge of the table, because Vanessa’s mood drops and she is not really ready to entertain. Usually she steels herself for moments like these when she visits, but today’s been already hard enough for her.

Kameron senses the mood shift and rubs her back gently, as she eats and it earns her a small appreciative smile from Vanessa.

Soon enough, the tables are full and chatter fills the room. Vanessa lets it all become white noise as she decides to distract her with looking through her email and messages she ignored today.

At one point Kameron stops talking to his colleagues and turns to whisper to Vanessa, “you haven’t touched the food.”

It pulls her out of her thoughts, “hm?” and she notices she only moved it around the plate but hasn’t actually eaten anything. “Oh. Got distracted,” Vanessa puts her phone down, and immediately takes a bite of her sushi and Kameron kisses the side of her head. She looks over to the middle of the table, where she knows that Brooke is sitting, because she can’t help it, and she sees her also staring at her phone. Like she knew she is being watched, she looks up and Vanessa immediately averts her gaze.

“You two are so sweet,” Mindy, one of the actresses, comments.

Vanessa smiles at her, then jokes “it’s all her, I’m just a selfish recipient,” pointing at Kameron than at herself.

“That’s true,” Kameron nods, laughing, “she’s a meany”

Vanessa hits her on the shoulder, gasping in mock offence, “rude.”

“I never got to ask, and you’re probably tired of this question, but how did you meet?” Mindy asks.

Kameron and Vanessa look at each other, then Vanessa gestures for her to take the lead. The story of how they met has been decided long ago, and it’s not that far off, just a bit romanticized.

Kameron takes a breath, “actually, not a lot of people do. We’ve been dating for almost eleven months now and we met at a gym. I was kind enough,” Kameron is interrupted with Vanessa huffing jokingly, “I was kind enough to show her how to properly hit the bag. I mean I was crushing on her before we met so I was definitely the aggressor in this relationship.”

Vanessa nods proudly, and is thoroughly amused by the almost word by word script she’s reciting.

She also, now feels eyes on her, so she looks toward the rest of the table and notices that Brooke is definitely listening. This makes panic bubble in her chest, and a bit of concern for Brooke, just because she can’t even imagine if their roles were reversed.

“She was very hesistant and sceptic at first, telling me how she’s not ready for a relationship,” Kameron explains, “but eventually she agreed to go on a date with me. I knew I need to pull all the stops to make it work, and mind you, I did, because well” she gestures to Vanessa, “you’ve met her, you understand.”

Vanessa blushes instantly, especially when everyone ‘awws’ and agrees, “I can’t with you,” with a small peck on the cheek. When she separates from Kameron again, she sees that Brooke has left the table.

Mindy then tells them how it was for her and her ex-partner which steers the conversation from them, making Vanessa relax once again.

She tries to keep up with the conversation, but she really doesn’t have the energy at the moment, so she mostly just smiles and nods, letting Kameron take the lead.

At one point her stomach grumbles slightly, body craving something sweet now that she’s finished with her sushi.

Vanessa gets up, “I’m gonna get me something sweet,” she tells Kameron when she looks at her, “you want anything?”

Kameron shakes her head, “nah, I think I’m good.”

Vanessa nods and starts to walk over to the desserts table when Kameron yells after her, “actually, babe get me that chocolate cake, it’s so good.”

Vanessa rolls her eyes, because well, she knew there’s no way Kameron will skip desert. She was going to get her something either way. So she gives her the thumbs up and turns back to the desserts.

She finds the chocolate cake and takes a piece for each of them when a voice that she hasn’t heard in that tone for a long time, stops her, “it’s made with walnuts. You’re not going to like it.”

Vanessa turns to the right and faces Brooke with a shocked expression, speechless.

“The muffins are just chocolate,” Brooke continues with a calm face and points at a tray full of different types of muffins.

Vanessa doesn’t even know how to react, because she can’t believe Brooke remembers that nor that she’d care enough to warn her. Especially when Vanessa is now used to Brooke just completely ignoring her or exuding waves of anger.

“I-,” Vanessa opens her mouth trying to find words and trying to repress the need to question why she’s telling her that, but she doesn’t want to risk this almost normal interaction so she dumbly says “thank you.”

Brooke only shortly nods and walks away.

Vanessa stands there frozen, watching her leave until she’s out of sight.

_ Three years ago _

_Vanessa is just finishing serving up the Uber eats she ordered for the late lunch she’s about to have with Brooke. They have seen each other for a week in a row as of today. This is their new record and Vanessa is wholeheartedly enjoying this opportunity to spend time with her. When they noticed that their calendars match on the free days, it went without saying that they’re going to spend it together. Vanessa thanks all the IT people on the planet that have come up with online calendars that can be synced, because it she gets a special kind of satisfaction when she or Brooke put a ‘eyes emoji?’ on a free day they notice and then whoever’s calendar it is, changes it to an ‘orange heart’ if they’re up for it._

_They’ve been seeing each other for almost a year now, sporadically of course due to their busy lives, and Vanessa never had it better._

_Vanessa hears the front door open and then a cheerful, “Hello?”_

_“In the kitchen!” she yells out and in a couple of seconds she is faced with a smiley Brooke._

_“Hi,” Brooke greets her again as she walks over to her. Vanessa doesn’t even manage to say anything back because Brooke gently grabs her face and kisses her deeply. She instantly becomes putty in her hands, even dropping the napkins she was holding._

_“You should always say hi like this,” Vanessa says when they separate and it makes Brooke smile, pecking her lips once more before picking up the napkins from the floor, “so I’m guessing the pre-screening went great.”_

_Brooke places the napkins on the counter, then puts her arms around Vanessa’s waist, “it went amazing. The critics loved it, literally didn’t say one bad thing, and the best part, I got offered a role in a Christopher Nolan movie,” Brooke grins._

_“What?!” Vanessa squeals before she hugs her, “that’s amazing!”_

_Brooke nods excitedly, squeezing Vanessa, “I mean they called me to come in for a reading, but still.”_

_“Pf, you’re going to kill it,” Vanessa says, then slaps her arm, “you should’ve told me, I would’ve ordered champagne!”_

_Brooke chuckles, “no need, there are other ways to celebrate,” then places a small kiss on neck._

_“Food first,” Vanessa pulls her head up by the hair, “we got plenty of time.”_

_“Fine,” Brooke sighs and lets Vanessa out of her embrace._

_They both take their respective plates and move to the living room to eat on the couch. Just as they start eating and Brooke begins the detailed story of the pre-screening, Brooke’s phone buzzes several times._

_She picks it up and after a moment says, “Nina sent me a bunch of emails to look over,” she scrolls through her phone frowning a bit, “ugh, I’ll need my laptop for this.”_

_“Do you have it? I can give you mine” Vanessa asks, a bit disappointed they were interrupted._

_Brooke nods, “yeah it’s in my bag by the door,” she gets up and fetches it._

_When she sits back down and opens her laptop, she turns to Vanessa, “sorry baby, you’ll have my full attention after this, I’ll be quick, promise.”_

_“S’okay, do what you need to do,” Vanessa says and Brooke kisses her shortly._

_Vanessa continues to eat her food and entertain herself on her phone while Brooke does her thing. It lasts longer than Vanessa expected, because both of them finish their food, Vanessa clears out everything, and Brooke is still completely focused on her laptop._

_This prompts Vanessa to just crawl into Brooke’s lap like a cat, which doesn’t even make Brooke flinch. She accommodates her so that they’re laying chest to back, with her laptop halfway on Vanessa._

_Vanessa sees that she’s reading some sort of a contract when Brooke starts to absentmindedly draw small shapes on her stomach, so she decides to continue on her social media dive._

_At one point she notices some posts from Kameron Michaels, a professional martial arts fighter who recently came out as gay. Vanessa has been following it from the start, and has frankly been pissed off at some of the hate she has seen directed toward Kameron. Vanessa expected divided response to her own coming out, but there was only a small bubble of people being negative. However, the world of sports is apparently no joke. ‘Dyke’ was suddenly everyone’s favourite word when talking about Kameron. So, Vanessa took it upon herself to show her some love and support whenever she could._

_Now, she liked her pictures and left a small supportive comment under the one where she’s showing off a pride flag._

_“So you got a thing for blondes?” Brooke says and pulls Vanessa out of her thoughts._

_Vanessa turns her head to look at her, “what?”_

_Brooke motions to Vanessa’s phone that is currently showing Kameron’s Instagram picture._

_“This me showing some queer solidarity,” Vanessa says, amused by Brooke’s comment and by the fact that she was paying attention to what was Vanessa doing._

_“Okay,” Brooke caresses Vanessa’s stomach lightly, then playfully says, “that still doesn’t answer my question.”_

_Vanessa’s jaw drops, “are you jealous?”_

_“No,” Brooke says, moving her face closer so she can bump her nose against Vanessa’s, and when Vanessa’s mouth remains open, she asks with a smile, “what? Should I be?”_

_Vanessa lets out a surprised laugh before she fully turns around so she can straddle her, Brooke moving her laptop away, “I have zero interest in her and I only have a thing for one blonde.”_

_Brooke pulls her closer with the hands on Vanessa’s back, “who, Margot Robbie?” she asks, playing dumb._

_“Shut up,” Vanessa laughs before she kisses her, but it’s short lived because Brooke swiftly moves them down to lay on the couch and takes control of the kiss._

_Brooke’s laptop remains untouched for the rest of the day, despite the fact that Vanessa saw there were emails left unread._


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hii lovelies!!
> 
> I have a new chapter for you! This one turned out, not quite what I initially thought it would but the mood got away from me hahaha. I can't promise that the next will be also in a week but I'm going to try. 
> 
> Thank you all for the love so far and I hope you like this one too <3

_ Two and a half years ago _

_‘vanessavanjie just posted a story’ makes Brooke pause the TV show she is watching, and open her Instagram. It’s a story of Vanessa hanging upside down from her bed, opening and closing her legs while she films herself in the mirror with a caption ‘how I be doing my stretches’. It makes Brooke chuckle, as does most of the things Vanessa does._

_She opens FaceTime and calls her, and Vanessa answers immediately with a grin, “Hi there.”_

_“What’re you up to?” Brooke asks._

_Vanessa turns so she’s laying on her stomach, “nothing, should’ve done some things Jason left me but can’t be bothered. Are you home already?”_

_“They rescheduled the shoot for Monday, so now I have nothing to occupy me while I wait for the announcement,” Brooke says, hoping Vanessa takes the bait._

_Vanessa smirks, “is that your subtle way of asking me to come over?”_

_Brooke smiles and bites her lip, nodding._

_“An unscheduled date?” Vanessa asks in mock horror, “who are you and what have you done with Brooke?”_

_“Shut up,” Brooke laughs, “it would’ve been scheduled if you had put exactly what you’re doing, not just ‘Jason’, then I’d know I can bug you.”_

_Vanessa frowns and chuckles, then Brooke continues, “maybe we should’ve like come up with a colour code system so it’s more clear? Like red, orange, green or something?”_

_“Oh my god B,” Vanessa puts a hand on her cheek, shaking her head, “is the overthinking cap on today? The system where you call me when you notice I’m free too and want to see me is completely fine, no need to be surgical, this ain’t a doctor’s appointment,” she laughs._

_Brooke realizes that she just went on a random thought spiral for no reason, but it’s not her fault, she planned to distract herself and not stay alone with her thoughts for the whole day, but it got rescheduled._

_“It’s not, but I can always do a full a check-up,” she winks, quickly recovering._

_“Yes you can,” Vanessa smirks, “so what do you want to do?”_

_Brooke thinks for a second, “you could come over? I can cook something if you haven’t eaten.”_

_“I’m down,” Vanessa nods, “I can be there in like 20ish minutes.”_

_“Perfect,” Brooke smiles, and Vanessa sends her a kiss before ending the call._

_Brooke gets off the couch and goes to the kitchen, already feeling giddy. She can’t believe this with Vanessa has lasted this long, and she is enjoying this more than any other arrangement she had previous. Well, this is the first one that lasted more than a year before the other person started seriously dating someone else and this is the first time she hasn’t made someone sign an NDA. It’s also first time Brooke is being exclusive with someone, never had the need before, since she didn’t care if her partners slept with anyone else. But this time she couldn’t bring herself to have it that casual. Especially since they’ve gotten pretty close._

_Brooke looks around her kitchen, trying to figure out what she could quickly make for dinner. She decides on risotto with fresh tomatoes and saffron, it’s something she remembers Vanessa ordering once, so it should be a safe bet._

_It’s not a high maintenance meal, so it’s almost done when the doorbell rings._

_Her heartbeat speeds up, as it always does when she’s about to see Vanessa. She turns the stove off while she goes to let Vanessa in._

_Brooke opens the door, smiling already, and is faced with a smiling Vanessa holding a bottle of champagne._

_Vanessa enters her hallway, and Brooke immediately grabs her face to kiss her. It’s probably among the top things Brooke ever experienced, the feeling of someone completely melting in her arms just from a kiss. Vanessa said she liked this, and Brooke has no problem delivering every time._

_“Hi,” Vanessa greets her softly when their lips separate._

_“What’s the champagne for?” Brooke nods toward Vanessa’s hand, smiling._

_“So we can celebrate when you get that Oscar nomination,” Vanessa says, shaking it a bit._

_Brooke laughs, leading her to the kitchen. How Vanessa never fails to just wholeheartedly believe in her is fascinating to Brooke. Actually, the whole Vanessa’s existence is fascinating to Brooke._

_“Who says I’m gonna get it?” Brooke asks and continues the dinner she started._

_Vanessa walks over to Brooke and jumps up to sit on the counter next to her, “I do, you’ll see.”_

_Brooke shakes her head, amused, “so what’ve you been up to today?”_

_“I had meetings in the morning about performances I’m doing, went to the gym, hung out with Silky and Akeria, we went out for lunch, and then I was supposed to go over the plans Jason sent me for the tour and, like the rest of the year but, naturally, making up choeros for songs in my room turned out as a better idea,” Vanessa lists out._

_“Of course,” Brooke comments, then Vanessa steals one tomato popping it in her mouth earning her a stink eye from Brooke to which she just bats her eyelashes, stealing another one._

_“Were you freaking out all day?” Vanessa asks her._

_Brooke goes to stir the rice, “not all day, but I started to when they decided to reschedule. I hate waiting for something,” she sighs._

_“I can tell,” Vanessa jokes, “but I’m the same, it would probably drive me up the wall too.”_

_“But yeah, I spent the day watching Schitts Creek, and I worked out in the morning,” Brooke says._

_Vanessa nods, kicking her legs a bit against the counter, “now with inviting me over, it sounds like a great day to me.”_

_Brooke chuckles and it’s about to ask her about what they should do, but Vanessa’s phone rings._

_Vanessa jumps down to retrieve her phone from the bar, “Uh, it’s Jason,” she says then continues before answering, “be with you in a second.”_

_She doesn’t leave the room, only leans on the bar across, but Brooke tunes out her conversation just in case it’s something that shouldn’t concern her, since it is Vanessa’s manager._

_After a couple of minutes Vanessa hangs up, but keeps looking at her phone. Her expression is relaxed, so Brooke guesses she got distracted by social media._

_“Vanessa,” she calls her, making Vanessa’s head snap up, “come taste this, please.”_

_Brooke lifts up the wooden spoon and Vanessa walks over, her eyebrows in a slight scrunch all of a sudden._

_“Why are you looking at me like that?” Brooke asks her, still holding the spoon up._

_Vanessa squints her eyes a bit, clearly hesitant to answer, “nothing, just, you said ‘Vanessa’, which, like, is reserved for serious business.”_

_“Oh,” Brooke frowns, then realizes, immediately amused, “well tasting food is a serious business.”_

_Vanessa huffs, smiling “sure it is.”_

_“Anyway,” Brooke smirks before she rephrases the question, “baby can you please taste this to see if it needs more spice?” she wiggles the spoon a bit._

_“Of course,” Vanessa grins then takes a bite, “it’s good to me.”_

_“Great,” Brooke leans over to peck her lips and basks in a small blush that appears on Vanessa’s cheeks._

_“You want to eat this in bed or in the living room?” Brooke asks as she makes them both a plate._

_“Bed, and we can watch a movie too,” Vanessa makes grabby hands at the food._

_“As long as it’s not one of mine,” Brooke hands Vanessa a plate, and she takes the champagne._

_Vanessa turns slightly as she walks to pout, “party pooper.”_

_They end up turning on the first movie that comes up on Netflix, because they were both aware they were not going to really watch it after they finish their food. It’s not even half way through that they end up just making out, which leads to lazy, slow sex. They fall asleep before it even hits midnight._

_Brooke definitely forgets about the announcement, and only sees that she did get nominated in the morning when Vanessa excitedly shows her. They decide to keep the champagne for when she actually wins or something equally big happens._

Present

Brooke can’t wait to get home, draw herself a bubble bath and shut out the world for at least an hour to recoup. It’s been a short filming day, but she was tired to begin with. She’s even thinking about cancelling her plans with Nina tonight, despite the fact she hasn’t seen her friend for a month now. Well, they are in contact constantly, Nina is her agent after all, but it doesn’t count if it’s work related.

Okay, yeah, she’s going to go out with her. It won’t hurt to get a little bit drunk, drown all the feelings that won’t let her be, and let loose for an evening.

Speaking of, a gravelly voice on the radio snaps her attention, “Hi everyone, it’s Miss Vanjie and you’re listening to my new single with Zayn, No Candle No Light,”

The song starts and by the first note, it’s not something she expected.

“You want me to change the station, miss Brooke?” Tony carefully asks, finger already reaching toward the radio. Usually he doesn’t even ask, if he recognizes a song as Vanessa’s, before Brooke does, he changes it.

Brooke shakes her head, “no Tony, not this time.”

The song makes her freeze, unable to move or hear anything else. Except her heart, because she feels like it might just jump out of her throat.

It’s more personal. Loud, somehow, even though she more singing than rapping. And about something hurtfully familiar.

No, she definitely didn’t expect this from Vanessa.

The song ends, but the melody is still stuck in her head, on a loop, through the whole car ride. Her fingers twitch to open Spotify and listen to it again, but she manages to stop herself.

When she finally arrives home, she notifies Tony that she’ll be going out tonight and that he can pick her up later. Then with a sigh, she enters her house.

She makes a beeline for the master bathroom, to turn on the water while she takes everything off of her. Pulling all the stops, she takes the scented candles out, decides to make a bubble bath and then gets the red wine from her mini-bar in the bedroom. Her fingers drift over the champagne bottle that is still there, and she remembers that’s why that mini-bar is untouched lately.

Shaking her head, she goes back to the bathroom, dims the light and finally enters the lovely looking bubble bath.

The whole ambient she created should relax her instantly, should take her to calmness land, but about five minutes of trying, nothing seems to change. Her emotions are still all over the place, and her mind is just buzzing.

Brooke decides she can’t take it anymore, so she takes her phone to open Spotify and play Vanessa’s new song. Pushing the loop button.

She’s expecting anger to come out again, but with each verse, each word, the only feelings that stay prevalent are sadness and regret. Mostly regret. Because she doesn’t really have the excuse to be mad at Vanessa, no solid ground to be angry or feel betrayed. Vanessa didn’t just jump from her to Kameron. Of course she’d know that if she didn’t literally mute anything that is associated with both of them, but how could’ve she not assume that Vanessa didn’t call Kameron when they broke up, or to better say, went their separate ways. It was so soon after, at least Brooke feels like it was.

But, turns out, it was just coincidence, and Kameron’s persuasion. She can’t even blame Kameron, because only a crazy person wouldn’t try to have someone like Vanessa in their life.

Brooke can only blame herself.

That single thought, is something she repressed deep in her mind. She didn’t want it to be true.

Despite there being a clear miscommunication, there was nothing wrong and Vanessa agreed to everything she asked. It was Brooke who couldn’t give her that one thing, just because it felt like it was bigger than Brooke herself.

Worst thing is, Brooke can see that Vanessa is trying to not make her uncomfortable. It’s not like she didn’t notice that Vanessa has rarely visited the set. That her and Kameron are not being public with their affection, and Brooke knows for a fact Vanessa is not one to shy away from any kind of PDA. Also, anytime she had the unfortunate luck to walk in on something, they were being sweet with each other.

Brooke can’t even look at her for too long, let alone, let Vanessa speak to her, because there is a pile of untold words that are just itching to come out and Brooke can’t let them. Some unfair, and some useless now.

She takes the glass of wine she had poured and downs it all, then takes her phone again to stop the song that probably played ten times already.

After a deep breath and few seconds of silence, she pours another glass of wine and opens her phone to numb herself with social media.

When endless scrolling doesn’t help, she decides it’s time to raise her dopamine levels by watching cute cat videos on Youtube. But her plans are halted, because first recommended video on her page is a new interview with Vanessa with Jimmy Kimmel. Normally she’d quickly scroll past, but this time, her finger lingers for a while and her curiosity eventually wins so she presses play.

Vanessa walks in after he announces her, wearing a nude corset with nude baggy pants, her hair let down and her dazzling smile on point. Just at the sight of her, Brooke’s heart squeezes because she’s still the prettiest woman Brooke has ever seen.

_‘Hi, how are you? It’s been a while since you’ve come around here’_ Jimmy greets her when she sits down

_‘Good, good, feeling great. Yeah, had to take a lil’ break’_ Vanessa nods at him, still smiling.

_‘Yes, I’ve heard there’s an album coming out soon? I was very excited, well actually my girls were more excited, you know they love you’_ Jimmy says

Vanessa pouts a bit, Brooke knows how soft she gets when someone mentions kids, _‘Yes, the album is on its way and when it does go out hit me up, I’ll send them a signed copy’_

_‘Ahh, they’re going to love that, though’_ he looks at the crew behind _‘edit that out so I can give it to them for their birthday and secure the best present award’_

Vanessa laughs at that and Brooke can’t help the smile.

_‘Strategic parenting, I love it’_

Jimmy laughs then turns more serious, _‘you also released a single with Zayn yesterday, a song called No Candle No Light, which is already number one’_ he pulls out a record of it and everyone woos in the audience which makes Vanessa blush. Brooke is enamoured by the fact that Vanessa after years now, of success, still gets shy at praise, _‘it’s definitely not what we expected, you’re singing and it’s not your usual sound’_

Brooke holds her breath as Vanessa shifts in her seat, crossing her legs, _‘yeah, I almost didn’t publish it. I wrote it like a year ago and never thought it would see the light of day, but my producer liked it and he worked with Zayn before, showed it to him because he felt like we’d convey the feeling well together. So when I heard it all finished, I knew it had to be released.’_

Jimmy nods as she explains, _‘you definitely sound great together. What’s the inspiration behind it?’_

Brooke bites her lip and sees Vanessa start playing with her bracelets, looking away, _‘hmm, to put it lightly, an unfortunate ending to one part of my life,’_ she says with a small almost sad smile.

There was a small part of Brooke that hoped that maybe she didn’t write the song, or that it’s unrelated. But of course, that’s not the case.

Since Jimmy notices she’s not about to elaborate more and it’s a known fact it’s not smart to push for answers with Vanessa, he says, _‘not entirely unfortunate, you got a great song out of it,’_ at which Vanessa snorts a bit, _‘speaking of parts of your life how’s our unbeatable fighter turned actress?’_

Brooke takes a sip of her wine, her heart bracing for impact, _‘Kameron is great, almost done with shooting the movie,’_ Vanessa smiles, her posture relaxing now that they moved from the song.

_‘People were wondering if this is really a break or if she’s retiring now that she set a record,’_ Jimmy says, obviously fishing for more scoop.

Vanessa narrows her eyes only a bit, straightening up on the couch, _‘people love to wonder. She set a record yes, and I’m extremely proud of her, but while she’s my partner I’m not going to speak for her. If she decides to compete next season I’m hundred percent supportive and if she’s not, then great, at least I don’t have to worry about someone cracking her head open’_ she shrugs at the end.

Jimmy laughs, _‘now that’s a worry not a lot of people have.’_

_‘Right’_ she laughs too, and Brooke honestly can’t believe she’s still watching this interview.

_‘Okay’_ Jimmy claps his hands, _‘so we have a fun little game prepared for you’_

Vanessa looks confusedly at Jimmy and the audience, _‘oh god what now’_

_‘Well, since your workout videos and sparring sessions have been an internet hit, we thought we could do a little defence class Vanjie style’_

_‘Whachu mean? You want me to fight here?’_ Vanessa chuckles nervously, still clearly confused.

_‘We have this lovely volunteer, Kate, who’s also a trained fighter, she has a club of her own and she teaches women who suffered from domestic abuse how to defend themselves and empowers them,’_ he announces a very buff looking woman wearing all black who waves and smiles, audience cheering. Brooke knows Vanessa won’t say no to that, _‘we though you could show Kate how you’d defend yourself from various compromising positions, to raise awareness and we’ll donate all revenue this video makes to her club.’_

Vanessa smiles at the lady, and Brooke can tell she’s a bit hesitant, _‘why’re you trying to get me in trouble with my lady back home’_ Vanessa jokingly points a finger at Jimmy, then shakes her head, _‘She gonna kill me if all the effort she put is like poof, gone’_

The pet name stings, but Brooke simply exhales, when Kate and Jimmy laugh.

_‘I’m sure something stayed, I believe in you’_ now Kate speaks and Vanessa takes a deep breath before she stands up. The audience starts clapping and cheering.

Brooke takes a sip of wine while Kate explains what positions they’re going to try, and she’s actually intrigued. She didn’t see any of those videos of Vanessa and Kameron because she’s pretty sure that’s what’s going to be playing on her movie reel in Hell on repeat, so why torture herself now.

They first try the hand grab, and Vanessa successfully frees herself by grabbing Kate’s wrist, bending her hand and making her go down. Judging by Kate’s smile, Brooke assumes she did a good job. But even if she didn’t, it was good to look at. Then they try the hair grab, which Vanessa also manages to escape.

_‘See, you’re doing great’_ Kate compliments her, making Vanessa grin proudly, Brooke mimicking her expression. When Kate once again starts to explain what they did and what they’re going to do next, Brooke takes a sip of wine. When she looks back at the screen, she almost drops her phone.

Vanessa is standing facing the camera, preparing for Kate to attack her from behind, but instead of Kate, Kameron appears with a finger against her lips, shushing the audience.

Brooke watches her grab Vanessa from behind, and Vanessa immediately doing the moves to drop her to the ground. She only notices that it’s Kameron when she literally throws her down.

_‘Holy shit’_ Vanessa covers her mouth and Kameron is grinning widely at her, _‘Good job babe’_

Vanessa grabs her hand to help her up, _‘What is happening?’_

_‘I teamed up with Jimmy here to do this,’_ Kameron explains and Brooke hates that they’re still holding hands, _‘I’ll be doing a couple of classes with Kate soon, and she’s honestly a champion and has help a lot of women already so I wanted to raise awareness by making you sweat on national television’_ Brooke also hates that Kameron is this nice.

Vanessa seems to lighten up, then claps her hands, _‘okay then, bish, we have one more to do. Who’s getting on the floor?’_

Everyone laughs and Brooke prays it’s not Kameron. She’s aware she can just turn the video off, but the morbid curiosity is not letting her.

Kate gestures for Kameron to do it and Brooke immediately grabs her wine to take another sip. Kameron walks up to Vanessa and gives her a kiss on the side of her head, and reminds Brooke of another thing she hates. 

Audience cheers when Vanessa lays on the floor and Kameron straddles her, pinning her wrists.

Just that image makes Brooke feel like someone’s got her on a choke hold, but the only self-defence she knows is to promptly shut off the video. There was no way she could’ve watched that.

Brooke submerges herself under the water, hoping that lack of oxygen would erase that image from her head, because no, she is definitely not ready to see Vanessa under anyone else, no matter the context.

-

It took drinking that whole bottle of wine, staring at the ceiling for half an hour, doing yoga and showering again, to get her to be here in the club with Nina.

They’ve both already managed to get a bit drunk, enough to make their way to the dance floor and act ridiculous. Exactly what Brooke needed. Alcohol, loud music and one of her best friends. Not that she’s feeling any better, but at least here it’s loud enough to not numb everything.

It was great, until Nina yelled, “Is that Kameron? And Vanjie?” pointing at the VIP lounge.

Of course, it is.

They are standing next to each other and talking to people Brooke can’t make out. And this is just her luck. It’s like the time she managed to avoid Vanessa is being made up now, and literally everywhere she goes, there’s Vanessa.

Brooke nods, thanking the god that made them choose a spot near a bar so she can easily order another round of drinks.

“Did you hear they got engaged?” Nina asks offhandedly, not even realizing that she almost knocked Brooke from her feet.

“What?” she basically mouths the question, but Nina understands and continues, “yeah, saw it in the news on my way here.”

Only now Brooke got what she wanted, numbness finally spreads through her whole body, but not in a good way at all.

She turns to the bar and sees that the bartender has poured them another round, so she grabs the drinks and downs it.

Her mind completely stopped, and her heart is beating out of her chest. Vanessa can’t get engaged. They haven’t even dated for a year. Kameron doesn’t even know Vanessa doesn’t like walnuts. They can’t get married. They simply can’t. Because that’s not how it was supposed to go at all. Any of this.

“Kameron didn’t tell you?” Nina asks, because she doesn’t know that Brooke barely speaks to Kameron even though they’re co-stars.

Brooke shakes her head, then says, “lets drink another round and go dance. I feel like blacking out tonight.”

“Ohh, party Brooke has arrived, finally!” Nina exclaims, oblivious to the mess, and signals the bartender.

Brooke makes them move to another part of the club where she has minimum chance of seeing Vanessa and Kameron and they drink like there’s no tomorrow.

She honestly doesn’t remember when was the last time she acted this way. But she also doesn’t remember a time where it felt like someone was holding her heart in their fist and kept squeezing. So, she hopes that if she drinks enough, she might just make everything disappear. Or die from alcohol poisoning. It seems like a kinder death than a broken heart. The saddest part is, her friend is completely clueless.

At one point she starts to feel really dizzy and like she has to pee, and Nina is talking to some guy, so she decides to go to the bathroom, stumbling the whole way.

She enters the bathroom, and the sudden quietness hits her. She grabs the sink, and looks at herself in the mirror. It’s scary how she still looks completely normal. Her hair is still in place, so is her make-up, there are no stains on her dress and her eyes are not as glossy. She expected something different – any sign of mess. And if that’s not a metaphor for her life.

“Brooke?” Kameron enters the bathroom and Brooke just bitterly laughs, because what else is supposed to happen when she’s already at a brink.

“Good evening Kameron,” she sarcastically says.

She frowns at Brooke, “didn’t expect to see you here.”

Brooke huffs, “I didn’t expect a lot of things but here we are,” hand griping the sink because the room keeps spinning.

“What?” Kameron tilts her head in confusion, then takes a step closer, “are you okay?”

“I guess congratulations are in order,” she ignores the question. Drunk Brooke, really has no filter whatsoever.

“On what?” Kameron asks.

“The engagement. Really. Congrats. No time to waste,” Brooke doesn’t even try to hid the sarcasm and bitterness out of her tone.

Kameron’s jaw drops, then she frowns, “we’re not engaged. Where did you get that?”

Brooke halts. Room suddenly not spinning anymore, her whole focus going to Kameron.

“It’s all over the tabloids,” Brooke carefully says.

“Umm, well it’s definitely not true,” Kameron shakes her head, “I’ll have to call Jason,” she starts, but Brooke doesn’t listen anymore.

Her mind starts playing the ‘they’re not engaged’ like a broken track and the absolute relief she suddenly feels tells her everything she needs to know about her state with Vanessa.

Then, her mind reminds her that even though they’re not engaged now, it’s not off the table for the future and that makes the room start spinning like crazy.

All of a sudden her stomach clenches and she quickly goes to the nearest stall, throwing up everything.

As she’s emptying her stomach, everything becomes a blurry mess. Brooke definitely feels hands in her hair and around her waist, keeping her up. It takes her a second to identify that it’s Kameron who is helping her. The amount that’s leaving her body, would normally scare her but she’s at the brink of losing consciousness, so she just hopes she survives.

After what seemed like endless throwing up, she feels being pulled up, making her immediately cling to Kameron. Brooke wants to open her eyes and say that she needs to go to Nina so she can go home, but all she manages is to groan.

“What do we do?” she hears Kameron say, almost like through water, Brooke barely registers it.

“I already called Tony, we just have to discretely take her to the back exit,” she hears Vanessa speak, but that can’t be Vanessa, because Vanessa was not in there with them.

“Okay,” Kameron says and arranges Brooke in a way she leans completely on her.

Brooke tries to help and wills her legs to move along too, so Kameron doesn’t have to drag her, but if she’s honest, she’s not sure she’s actually doing it. She’s also not sure if anything now is a dream or actually happening.

She really shouldn’t have drunk so much.

They finally reach somewhere because they stop walking, and Brooke feels a cold breeze passing her, making her shudder.

Brooke then feels another person take her, someone who’s perfume is very familiar and who’s touch she knows. She feels being seated down, her head hitting a car seat.

When a hand touches her cheek to adjust her head, she forces herself to open her eyes, and she sees Vanessa’s hand putting on a seatbelt, while the other is holding her.

“Baby,” she whimpers involuntarily because her head hurts, her stomach hurts, everything is fuzzy and she wants to sleep.

The seatbelt clicks in that moment and Vanessa doesn’t move, for what it feels like eternity, but was probably two seconds. Brooke hears her low gravelly voice then, “you’re going to be okay, Tony’s going to drive you home.”

Brooke nods slowly, managing to push out a “okay.”

Vanessa fixes her hair before she leaves and closes the door to the car.

When the car starts moving, Brooke once again feels being pulled to sleep, but hears “Are you okay miss Brooke?” from Tony which stops her.

“No. I love her and she’s got someone else.”

“I’m sorry,” Tony says quietly

“Me too,” Brooke sighs in defeat and finally sleep takes over.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovelies!! 
> 
> This one took a while because life got in the way, but thankfully I managed to score some time and give it to this story. Also, this chapter is only in the past so I think it's unnecessary to have it all in italics like it usually was. Even though it's probably gonna bother me that it's not consistent haha but alas. 
> 
> I hope you like it, and I hope it reads well <3

Two years ago

It’s Vanessa’s birthday and she’s honestly never been happier. The world tour is going strong, all of her dates sold out and for the most of it she got to experience it with Akeria and Silky who accompanied her. She thought she’d have to spend her birthday alone for the first time ever, since she’s in the UK and Silky can’t really leave the country due to her obligations to her family and Akeria has a club to run. However, Brooke finished filming two days ago and has some time off, so she offered flying to London to spend time with Vanessa.

They didn’t spend Vanessa’s previous birthday together nor Brooke’s because their schedules didn’t align but Brooke had sent a huge bouquet of flowers to Vanessa and she sent Brooke a small cake and champagne to her hotel room.

Now, Vanessa’s sitting in a car in front of the private exit at the airport, waiting for Brooke to arrive.

Her phone dings, a message from Brooke. It’s a picture of a magazine cover in a kiosk with Vanessa’s face on it, with a caption ‘hello there’. It’s something they randomly started doing, Brooke was the one who initiated it when she sent Vanessa a picture of a woman holding Vogue magazine in front of her face making it look like Vanessa’s head was hers with the added lyric ‘every step you take I’ll be watching you – just got a new meaning’. Then Vanessa retaliated when she saw a picture of Brooke and it became a thing they did.

So, Vanessa assumes this was taken at a duty free before the flight and only now it came through, which means she landed.

It takes around five minutes before she sees the door opening and Brooke walking through in an unusually nice outfit for her when she’s flying. Vanessa waves from the car and Brooke smiles when she sees her then says goodbye to the staff that accompanied her before she gets into the car.

“Hi” Vanessa grins when Brooke closes the door and she grins back before she kisses her shortly then says “Happy birthday,” and kissing her once more.

“Thank you,” Vanessa blushes a bit, still riding the happiness of spending her birthday with Brooke.

“So,” Brooke claps her hand on Vanessa’s thigh and keeps it there, “what do you want to do today?”

“Well, I usually celebrate by going out and getting the drinks on, but since we can’t really do that,” Vanessa smiles a bit when Brooke smiles and shakes her head, “this is gonna be a very adult birthday. We are going to get the cake from a shop that my tour manager kept raving about because I’m not about to eat hotel cake for my birthday then I arranged with the hotel to arrange the dinner on the rooftop because I’ve been up there and it’s so pretty,” Vanessa says.

“And very private,” Brooke adds which makes Vanessa chuckle and place her hand over Brooke’s on her thigh, “yes very private, so you don’t get your panties in a twist and I can enjoy uninterrupted time with you.”

“That sounds perfect,” Brooke raises their hands to kiss the back of Vanessa’s.

The rest of the ride to the cake shop they spend talking about Brooke’s last days of the filming, since they only managed to text a bit because, well, both of them were busy. Plus, it always has an almost calming effect on Vanessa when Brooke speaks, the way she tells a story, her tone and voice. It’s better than any ASMR to Vanessa. Also Brooke has a tendency to be tactile, either playing with Vanessa’s hair, or drawing shapes on some part of her body or just fleeting touches. Now she’s playing with her fingers.

In small moments like these, Vanessa knows she loves Brooke. They never said it, even though Vanessa was already in love like 3 months in, but Brooke is clearly very slow in these things and any major declarations obviously scare her. Though, for the first time, Vanessa doesn’t mind not saying it 10 times a day like she normally would, because she pretty sure that Brooke loves her by the way she shows her. So it’s up to Brooke to say it first.

“You coming with me?” Vanessa asks when they pull up, grabbing the door handle, “you can pick a lil snack for yourself.”

Brooke looks hesitant, bottom lip already going between her teeth, and Vanessa is a bit peeved by the absolute avoidance of any possible outing, even though she understands where it coming from.

She sighs and opens the door, one leg out when she hears, “okay,” which Vanessa didn’t expect. At most, driving in the same car is as far away as it will get with them, and that’s only because Brooke has her own driver and tinted windows, while Vanessa drives herself.

Vanessa makes space between them as they walk to the shop and she’s actually excited that Brooke decided to do it. She counts it as a step forward.

The shop is definitely busy, especially since you can eat in. Vanessa stands in line for the order pick-up and Brooke wanders off to the display of the desserts.

It takes a couple of minutes to be the first in line, and the girl that greets her either doesn’t recognize her or is just effectively hiding it, “Hello, you alright?”

“Hi yes, I came to pick up a cake order, under the name Silky Ganache,” Vanessa politely replies, using the Silky’s name whenever she has to do any mundane things to give herself extra leeway to not get recognized.

The lady behind the counter check her books and nods, “amazing, the cake is ready to go just give me minute to pack it up.”

“Great, thank you,” Vanessa returns a smile the lady gives her before she turns around to go in the back.

She sees Brooke finish paying for something then she turns to Vanessa and smiles when she sees her already looking. Brooke tilts her head toward the exit and Vanessa when nods in understanding, Brooke makes her way to wait for Vanessa by the door.

“Here you go,” the lady pulls her attention back to the front, and she’s faced with one big box and one small, “Hope you enjoy the cakes if there are any problems, please contact us.”

Vanessa takes the order, “thank you so much, have a nice day,” she turns around and walks toward Brooke. Her phone buzzes and she manages to wrangle it out of her pocket, the cakes definitely an inconvenience. She sees that it’s just the hotel confirming that everything is ready for tonight but it was distracting enough to not notice what she’s walking into.

“…I definitely think you should’ve won that Oscar, you’re so good,” Vanessa stops and looks up over the cakes at a panicked Brooke who is obviously talking to a fan.

Before she can even process or figure out what to do, the fan follows Brooke’s line of sight and gasps as she sees Vanessa.

“Oh my God!” she squeals and Vanessa can see the moment Brooke freaks out too, “hi there,” Vanessa smiles at the fan, praying to all the Gods available that this somewhat secluded little hallway saves them from everyone in the shop freaking out.

“Holy shit, I’m such a huge fan,” she places her hands over her chest, already red in the face.

“Thank you babe, I appreciate it,” Vanessa says, her mind going a mile a minute, “I’d give you a hug but I’m carrying a heavy load here,” she chuckles.

“That’s fine,” the fan nods, then looks between them, “can I get a picture though? With both of you?”

Vanessa looks at Brooke, not sure what to say, and when she’s met with an unreadable expression, “You can have one with me, but can’t speak for Brooke here,”

The fan looks pleadingly at Brooke, phone already out, and Brooke puts on her fake smile and nods. Vanessa moves to stand next to Brooke, lowering her cake boxes so she’s visible and the fan stands next to her, taking a couple of selfies.

“Thank you so much, you’ve literally made my year,” the fan looks at both of them and excitedly leaves.

A beat goes by before Brooke opens the door for Vanessa, face still unreadable and she wordlessly walks out with Brooke at her heel. They don’t talk as they go to the car and get in, dread filling Vanessa’s whole body when she closes the door behind her.

She looks at Brooke, opening her mouth to say something, but nothing leaves and Brooke just turns her head away, looking through the window as the car drives them to the hotel.

Vanessa can sense that something is wrong because the whole mood shifted and Brooke has never been this distant all of a sudden. By something, she knows it’s the fan recognizing them at very first attempt of being in the daylight together. What she doesn’t know is how to approach this because she doesn’t want this to ruin their day. So, Vanessa decides to just wait till they arrive at the hotel.

It turns out to be a 20-minute silence ridden ride, that just makes Vanessa’s heart feel like it’s on the edge.

They don’t talk as they walk to Vanessa’s suite and only when the door closes behind them, does Vanessa decide to break the silence.

“Look, I-“ she starts but is immediately interrupted by Brooke, “I’m going to take a shower.”

Vanessa’s mouth stays slightly open, Brooke not meeting her eyes, just grabbing a change of clothes, “oh, okay.”

She was hoping they’d take a shower together, maybe even a bath, after a quick getting off, but apparently Brooke has different plans. So, she calls the reception to send someone to take the bigger cake she bought for her crew tomorrow in the fridge, and then just prepares her change of clothes before she sits on the bed and just scrolls through her emails.

It takes Brooke about fifteen minutes to get out of the shower, walking out only in underwear. Vanessa can tell she’s still not ready to talk so she just goes to take a shower herself.

After doing everything to prolong it, Vanessa finally has enough and leaves the bathroom, ready to address the elephant in the room one way or the other.

“Your fans are really something,” Brooke speaks up, looking at her phone, just as Vanessa walks out.

“What do you mean?” Vanessa feels her anger rise up at the slight sarcasm.

Brooke shows her phone, “the picture is everywhere I look, even some tabloids picked it up.”

“Okay, but it’s gonna pass by morning, why are you freaking out?” Vanessa crosses her arms.

Brooke gets up, “let’s hope so, because I don’t need this in my life.”

Vanessa feels her face get hot, “you don’t need what exactly? It’s a fan photo.”

“I told you in the beginning that this,” Brooke’s gestures between them, tone pointed and almost harsh, “can’t get out. No media of any kind. And then you make me go to a shop with you and now all of this is on every media.”

“First of all, I didn’t make you do anything. Second of all you’re overreacting, it’s _literally_ just a fan photo,” Vanessa frowns, trying to control her own emotions because she can already feel herself getting hurt by this.

“A fan photo is enough to start shit. I don’t expect you to understand” Brooke crosses her arms, then shakes her head, “I knew I should’ve stayed in the car. Now I have to make an assessment of the damage and deal with this.”

Vanessa feels her throat close up, the words and the complete detachment of Brooke getting a bit too much. “I’m sorry,” she takes a small step toward Brooke, in hopes of reaching some version of a truce or something, “Can we just wait and see, I don’t want this to ruin our day.”

Brooke’s jaw tightens and Vanessa takes the step back, but she could’ve never prepared for the impact, “well I don’t want this to ruin my career.”

Vanessa is certain she’s going to start crying, so she just takes her clothes and goes to the bathroom.

She lets a few frustrated tears drop, before she starts doing her make-up, determined to go through with her plan for today, even if she has to do it by herself. There is sadness brewing from the tips of her toes to her head, especially since she, in a way, feels responsible even though she is aware she couldn’t control anything. This is also the first time her and Brooke had a fight or a disagreement. She just hoped the first kind of negative interaction with Brooke would be over what to put on pizza or some stupid thing like that.

Vanessa just wanted to have a nice birthday with some sense of normalcy with Brooke.

After a half an hour she is done with her make-up, it’s a very light look for her and could usually be done in ten minutes, but she stretched it out to give herself some time. Before she puts on the nude lipstick, she opens her phone and decides to look at what’s been going on. The picture is definitely getting more attention than any other fan interaction, and she’s had interesting ones. Only three tabloids made a small post about it, which is mostly boasting how this is an unlikely friendship or questioning if they are close or hanging out. However, as Vanessa looks through comments, she can see what could’ve triggered Brooke. There is a small amount of people commenting how they’d be the unmatched or goals if Brooke was gay, some are even saying they hope Vanessa brings Brooke over to the fun side.

She shuts of her phone and puts on her lipstick. Taking a deep breath, she gets up and puts on her sparkly blue two piece. Then she grabs the phone again and finds the original poster of the picture so she can retweet it with a _‘celebrities can bump into each other too lol. Thanks for the picture and your kind words <3’._

Hopefully that keeps everyone at bay, so they let it go quickly enough, at least that’s what Vanessa is counting on. Her fans are a bit crazy, but in a good way, she formed a sort of trust that if something is happening she’ll just straight out say it. The little truth outbursts, that Jason loses his hair over, are proof of it. So, if she just dismisses it, they’re most likely going to as well.

Vanessa starts combing through her hair, working in the products to style it and just keeps doing breathing exercises.

As she does the finishing touches, feeling calmer, there is a small knock on the door.

It surprises her but she inhales and responds, “come in.”

Brooke opens the door carefully, taking only a few steps in, making Vanessa tense because she has a strange expression that she can’t read.

“You didn’t have to do that,” Brooke says, grasping her phone in both of her hands.

“Did it help?” Vanessa puts down the comb, turning towards her. Brooke looks at her phone briefly, nodding. “Then I had to do it,” Vanessa shrugs.

It did sting that she had to lie, because that’s one thing she never wants to do, but she comforts herself by it at least being a more of a general statement than anything else.

“Thank you,” Brooke says so quietly, if it weren’t for the echo in the bathroom Vanessa probably wouldn’t hear it. Vanessa just gives her a short smile.

They just look at each other for a moment, distance between them short, but almost impossible to cross. Vanessa shifts her weight from one leg to another and Brooke shakes her head before she timidly asks, “so, is it time for dinner?”

Vanessa puffs out a small laugh, “just about.”

She feels the last of the grey clouds that surrounded them start going away when Brooke extends her arm, “lead the way.”

Vanessa immediately takes her hand, feeling the warmth spread through her when Brooke squeezes it. She would generally insist on unpacking the argument, but this time, she decides it can wait.

They take their respective purses and are just about to walk through the door when Brooke stops them, “wait, I got you a birthday present.”

“What?” Vanessa turns around to see Brooke going back to her luggage to rummage through, “you didn’t have to give me anything,” she says, considering Brooke flying to London a gift in itself.

Brooke scoffs, “of course I did,” and pulls out a box with a little note attached to it. Vanessa blushes when she takes the box, “I planned on giving it to you during dinner but I was just about to forget it” Brooke chuckles then nodding at the box so that Vanessa opens it.

The note has a small _‘happy birthday baby, xo B’_ which makes her smile at Brooke then carefully place the note on the table next to them. Then she opens the box and is faced with a small gold necklace with a square emerald pendant.

“I figured it would go nicely with your collection of gold chains and necklaces,” Brooke explains as Vanessa just stares at it, touching it lightly with her finger.

Her eyes tear up a bit, “thank you, it’s beautiful,” she looks up at Brooke who shyly smiles at her.

“Put it on me,” Vanessa hands her the box.

Brooke frowns a bit, but still smiling, “it doesn’t really go with the outfit.”

“Do I look like I give a fuck? It goes with my heart so get to it,” Vanessa states, turning around and lifting her hair up.

Brooke chuckles behind her before she carefully puts it around Vanessa’s neck and clips it in.

When Vanessa turns back around, Brooke gives her a once over, “you’re right, it goes well, because you look stunning.”

Vanessa feels her eyes get watery again, so she just leans in to give Brooke a quick kiss, that gets just a bit prolonged, but then again, when doesn’t it.

They finally leave the room and go to the rooftop. The dinner goes well, food extremely lovely, weather serving them right and the conversation quickly goes back to their usual casualness. There’s still a linger of the argument in Vanessa because some things were not fully addressed but overall she forgets about it by the end of the night.

Year and a half ago. 

Vanessa is on her way to the People’s Choice Awards after party to make a short appearance before her and Brooke can leave so they can finally spend some time together. After her birthday they only managed to work out two days to meet up because Vanessa is touring and Brooke has a lot of projects on her plate. Even their phone conversations are always cut short because of the time zones. So Vanessa misses Brooke. A lot. She is also hoping to have a more serious conversation with Brooke about everything, since she is thinking of taking a break after the tour ends and the upcoming singles are recorded. There was plenty of time to work up the courage, but they haven’t had a serious conversation since they began all of this, and it’s been over two years now. Everything just makes sense, so they didn’t really have to just sit down and talk. Now, if Vanessa is going to take her career on the next level, she wants to see about taking their relationship too or generally seeing where they’re going.

“I can’t believe you’re going to ditch me and Akeria,” Silky comments when Vanessa meets up with them at the party.

Akera scoffs, “miss Brooke Lynn is here, what did you expect?”

“Don’t be dramatic, I see you idiots all the time,” Vanessa rolls her eyes, taking the offered drink from the waiter, “and Silk c’mon, you were just my plus one for the whole event.”

“Yeah, you got to actually go to the awards, I just get the after party invite. Plus, you’re all up in her shit either way, I should be the one complaining,” Akeria says but with no actual negative feeling behind her words.

Silky waves her hand, “I’m her personal assistant, it’s work so it doesn’t count. And I wasn’t up in her shit for the last six months, she got herself a carry-on foreign hoe.”

“Just say you missed me, like a normal person,” Vanessa chuckles, “and her name is Ava and while she did take care of me, she is no match to you.”

Akeria just laughs and takes a sip of her drink and Silky just says, “Mhmm,” sassily before she smiles at the compliment.

“Enough of this chitter chatter, we on limited time, take your drinks and let’s hit the dance floor,” Akeria claps her hands and makes them both get up.

They find a good spot and immediately get into it. For the most songs, they have a choreography that is utterly ridiculous but they don’t care. Since Vanessa knows most of the people at the party, they get approached at times and some even try to follow along with the dancing which makes it even more fun. While Vanessa is nursing her second drink, to make sure she’s as sober as possible, Akeria and Silky have different plans, she’s just glad they’re staying together after Vanessa leaves and that her ride is taking them home.

“I didn’t want to say nothing,” Akeria makes a sour face after taking a sip of her drink, “but are you sure Brooke’s leaving with you tonight?”

“What do you mean?” Vanessa frowns.

Akeria points behind her, “been scoping the situation for the last hour and she’s getting mad comfy with her male friend.”

Vanessa turns around and follows Akeria’s line of sight to see Brooke sitting real close to a guy at a bar, her head tilted and a flirty smile she knows too well on her face. She honestly didn’t keep tabs on where Brooke is since they agreed on an hour and a half, two tops and then they’ll leave, but know she feels like she should have.

“That’s not friendly behaviour,” Silky squints her eyes to see better, then turns to Vanessa, “thought you guys were in a relationship, or do lesbians get a pass in flirting when it’s a guy?”

“We are, sort of,” Vanessa absentmindedly answers watching Brooke’s hand graze the guy’s, feeling her jaw clench, “I don’t give a pass that’s for sure.”

Akeria tilts her head, “wait, what do you mean sort of?”

“Like we’re exclusive and all, we just never did that ‘are you my girlfriend’ moment,” Vanessa quickly says, not moving her focus from the scene across the room.

She’s snapped out of it when Akeria slaps her arm, “Ow!”

“You never told us that!” Akeria’s face turns to a ‘serious mother’ expression, something quite familiar to Silky and Vanessa, because they usually act like children.

Silky crosses her arms, “what else you’ve been hiding? I knew there was a reason you didn’t share shit about you two. Last time you had a girlfriend both of us got our ears talked off, should’ve known something was off.”

“I told you she’s not out and that she’s painstakingly private,” Vanessa rolls her eyes, “and also because I knew I’d get this reaction,” she points at both of their faces.

“Well bitch of course,” Akeria throws her hands up, “you telling me you two been shaking up for two years, exclusively, and she don’t call you a girlfriend? That’s a red flag if I ever seen one, how the hell we supposed to react?” 

“And now she’s up there flirting with some rando,” Silky chimes in.

Vanessa feels panic rise in her chest, because they’re not wrong.

“Sort that out or I’m gonna,” Akeria says, “I ain’t letting some white girl mess with your heart.”

Silky nods in agreement.

She can sense that her friends’ protectiveness has activated and that only happens when they see something that Vanessa isn’t. But Vanessa doesn’t even know where to begin with unpacking this.

It’s definitely not something she expected. Everything was fine. So why the hell is Brooke flirting with dudes?

Vanessa bites her lower lip, then pulls out her phone to text Brooke, _‘I’m ready to leave’_

Akeria and Silky look at her phone then all three of them look at Brooke, waiting for the response.

Just a couple of seconds later, Brooke’s screen flashes on the bar and she promptly takes the phone. She types quickly, then places her phone in the purse.

Vanessa’s heart slows down, because thank god, they’re just going to leave and talk about it, and it’ll probably turn out to be nothing.

But then her phone vibrates and she sees _‘Later’_. Akeria and Silky’s eyes widen and Vanessa feels anger bubble up in her chest.

_‘I’m leaving now,_ ’ she sends back. Brooke’s half open purse just slightly lights up, but she doesn’t take the phone out, continuing the conversation.

Vanessa clenches her fists.

“I’m about to smack her,” Silky puts down her drink and starts to go, but Vanessa barely pulls her back.

“No. Leave her,” Vanessa orders, “I’ll deal with it later.”

“How?” Akeria asks, while Silky just keeps giving Brooke a stink eye.

Vanessa places her phone in her purse, “I don’t know,” she sighs, “but I know I’m going to leave now, because I definitely don’t want to see this.”

“Okay,” Akeria nods, putting her drink down as well, “let’s go.”

Silky nods too, but Vanessa stops them both, “no, you guys can stay. I need to think things through again, by myself.”

They both frown at her, “are you sure?”

“Hundred percent,” Vanessa says, “I’ll call you if I need you.”

She hugs her friends goodbye and leaves.

It takes her about half an hour to get to her house, and on the entire ride home she tries to make sense of the situation. Vanessa is aware that Brooke had multiple PR stunts, and that all that ‘never tied down’, ‘changing men like socks’ image of her is carefully planned out. But she also knows that Brooke hasn’t had one dating stunt since they started this, because Vanessa told her it would make her uncomfortable. She could deal with her social media actions that generate speculation every now and then, even though she didn’t really see the point, but if she brought it up with Brooke, it would be shot down immediately, so Vanessa assumes it’s because of her sensitivity to her closet.

She just hopes there is a reasonable explanation for all of it. Even though her gut is in so many twists, already preparing for the worst.

As she finally showers and changes into her PJs, goes down to the kitchen to pour herself a gin and tonic, her phone buzzes.

_‘Where are you? I’m good to go’_ , Brooke sends her nearly two hours after the initial message.

Vanessa rests her head on her hand, _‘already home. Didn’t like what I saw so I left’_

There is a couple of seconds of Brooke typing and deleting then typing again before _‘oh okay, we can meet just tomorrow then. Could use a lie in anyways.’_

The burn from the alcohol turns south when she reads that message, since Brooke definitely didn’t take the bait and on top of that, just fully decided not to go through with their initial plans.

_‘Sure’_ Vanessa sends back before she shuts off her phone and pushes it away from her.

Anger returns so she just drinks the whole glass and decides she’s not overthinking anything, there’s an earful with Brooke’s name on it for tomorrow.

…

Vanessa has been keeping herself busy for the entirety of the day, trying not to think too much about the meeting with Brooke tonight. She even cleaned her house to its entirety, and she usually has someone else do it.

She’s currently finishing a braid on top of her hair when her phone buzzes. It’s a bunch of links to tabloid articles from Silky. Vanessa was expecting something related to her but no, what she got made the anger she managed to tame yesterday return in full force.

_‘New guy alert? Brooke Lynn Hytes seen getting coffee with a mystery man’_

_‘Brooke Lynn Hytes enjoying a morning stroll with the same man from the night before’_

_‘Is the forever-single Brooke Lynn finally in a relationship?’_

And other of that nature.

Vanessa sees red as she skims through one of the articles, it shows pictures of Brooke and that guy from the after party, forcing her see it once again, but this time in still frame. There’s bunch of commentary from the author how some sources confirm they went home together and were glued all night. Then there are pictures from today where they’re walking together down the street holding Starbucks cups.

So that’s what Brooke had to do today.

This means she’d go home with Vanessa, leave her to do this and come back like nothing happened. It not even just ignoring the fact that Vanessa commented this kind of thing makes her uncomfortable, it’s the complete lack of inclusion and communication. She didn’t even bother giving her a heads up.

Vanessa ties up her braid and hastily grabs the phone and wallet, making her way to her car to go to Brooke’s. She’ll probably be a couple of minutes early but she honestly doesn’t care.

If any cop measured her speed, she’d definitely get a ticket, and she’s pretty sure she’d just throw money at the officer if they did stop her because something snapped in her and she wanted answers right now.

When she arrives, and rings her doorbell, she feels her heart just hammering out of her chest, anxiety mixing with anger.

She hears a faint “Come in”, so she opens the door and walks into the hallway, guessing that Brooke’s in the kitchen, she makes a beeline there.

“Hey, you’re early,” Brooke walks over to her, giving her a peck on the lips, “I just started dinner.”

Vanessa takes in the ingredients spread over the counter and the soft music playing in the background. It makes her feel distant, like she’s not really there or like it’s all just going to disappear in a second.

“Who’s the guy Brooke?” she asks.

Brooke turns back to her, placing the knife back on the counter, “You mean Andre?”

“I don’t know. The one I had to watch you flirt with at the after party and apparently get coffee today,” Vanessa says, clenching her jaw at the nonchalance in her answer.

“That’s Andre yes,” Brooke nods, then takes in Vanessa, a small furrow in her brow appearing, “is there a problem?”

“Yes, there are multiple problems,” Vanessa crosses her arms, “why were you flirting with some random guy and having people think you’re dating him? If this is PR why not tell me?”

Brooke wipes her hands on her apron and puts hands on her hips, “I don’t see how that’s a problem for you. Why would I tell you? It’s not like I’m actually sleeping with him.”

“Gee, great, that’s the only thing that matters here,” Vanessa rolls her eyes.

Now Brooke crosses her arms, “what’s your problem?”

“My problem is that you didn’t talk to me about this even though I’d told you I’m uncomfortable with these kinds of things, and my problem is that you did it right in front of me like I should just be okay with being blindsided,” Vanessa lists out, trying hard to keep her head leveled.

Brooke frowns, “I don’t see how any of this is your concern. But if being updated matters that much to you, we have one more pap walk and that’s it.”

“It’s not my concern?” Vanessa asks, laughing a bit, bitterly, “apparently only concern of yours is to keep that closet door army sealed shut.” She can pretty much guess the answers to all of her questions that Vanessa had prior to this, but she decides to see if maybe she’s wrong.

“Vanessa, you know I have an image to uphold. I told you at the beginning. How I go about my career is none of your business,” Brooke says curtly, Vanessa feeling the detachment seeping in which happens when Brooke turns on the ‘professional’ mode.

Her heart is telling her to stop the conversation but her reason and past lessons are pushing her to keep speaking.

“Tell me this please, what do you call me to your friends, what am I to you?” Vanessa asks.

“I mean,” Brooke hesitates, eyes shifting from Vanessa, “I don’t, like, talk about this to my friends.”

Vanessa feels like someone punched her, but she pushes through again, gesturing between them, “this? What is this, Brooke?”

Brooke holds on to her elbows, shrugging, “I guess the proper term would be friends with benefits.”

“Friends?” Vanessa bites on to her lower lip, eyes widening in disbelief, “With benefits?” she continues and Brooke nods, frowning at Vanessa’s expression.

“I’m so stupid,” Vanessa laughs, covering her eyes, “I can’t believe I thought that after over two years of spending time together, syncing our fucking calendars, having sex only with each other, I expected you to maybe see this as a relationship. Because it is, the only thing missing is the stupid label.”

“What’s happening right now?” Brooke stares at her, Vanessa laughing but with zero feeling behind it.

Vanessa leans on the counter with both hands, “what’s happening is that I’m realizing that I’m just your dirty little secret. And that you’ll never probably include me in your life, and you’ll keep doing only what agrees with you. I should’ve known, my birthday a perfect example of you completely not wanting to be associated with me.”

“Because people started speculating. Not all of us can be out,” Brooke argues, Vanessa sensing her defenses going up.

“Nobody started fucking speculating, it was a half a day news. I hate to break it to you Brooke, but no one is trying to push you out of the closet. If you never say anything it will probably never get out. This is a heteronormative society; everyone assumes you’re straight by default, and those who are convinced otherwise will never change their opinion,” Vanessa rolls her eyes, “you’re just afraid and overthinking.”

“I can’t come out Vanessa, it’s not that simple,” Brooke says, not getting it.

“No one is talking about that; I’m talking about my place in your life,” Vanessa sighs.

Brooke shakes her head, face showing panic bubbling, “why are we even talking about all of this? it was just a small PR stunt, there won’t be another one for a while now, I can make them shorter if you want, just one outing or something.”

A chuckle escapes Vanessa, “that doesn’t solve anything, you’ll still pretend I don’t exist, that this is not or was not a relationship and that how I feel about this apparently doesn’t matter.”

Then she feels resolve wash over her, and she continues, “Yesterday if you had actually went home with me, I was going to talk to you about taking things to the next level. I was planning on telling you that I love you and that I want us to see where this could go. Again, stupid me.”

Having said this out loud, she feels her throat start closing up. Reality sinking in.

“What do you want me to say?” Brooke asks quietly.

Vanessa takes a deep breath, “I want you to give me one good reason not to walk away right now.”

Brooke’s eyes widen and she looks like deer caught in the headlights. Vanessa can almost see her panicked heart hammering in her chest, probably matching her own. It took one conversation to confirm her deeply hidden doubts about this and she wishes she could forget it happened, go back how it was. But she also knows she deserves more than this. She already gave it two years. Not a minute more.

Vanessa counts to ten slowly, silence deafening.

On eleven, her heart breaks.

“Chicken shit,” she whispers, one tear escaping. Brooke’s mouth opens and closes, serving as a cue for Vanessa to turn around and walk away.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi babes! 
> 
> After multiple changes to the continuation of the story and me being a lil bitch, here we are! This one is from Kameron's perspective and will be the second to last chapter (unless I change it again lol). I'm so grateful for all of you who have been on this ride with me, thank you truly, it's been lovely writing this and interacting with all of you. 
> 
> Happy reading!

“And cut!” the director yells and Kameron can feel everyone let out a breath, “that’s officially the wrap everybody,” he smiles and the production starts clapping.

She can’t believe the filming is over. It felt like it lasted only a minute, with how fast the time flew.

Kameron can safely say, she’s proud of herself for doing this and seeing that she’s not half bad as an actress. It’s honestly really exciting, the fact that she’ll see herself on the big screen, especially with such a powerful cast.

So, Vanessa was definitely right in encouraging her to take the role. After this, if all goes well, she’ll do one more season of competing, then it’s retirement for Kameron. Besides possibly doing movies or cameos in them, she’s already preparing for opening an all-girls school for martial arts, and has practically solidified her place as an influencer on social media during the past year.

What Kameron doesn’t know is what’s going to happen with this stunt with Vanessa, but that’s something she plans on thinking about after.

“Hey Kameron,” Rihanna yells, making her stop and turn around.

“Yeah?” she smiles at her, waiting for her to catch up.

They are at the parking lot where all of their trailers are, and Kameron cannot wait to go in and take all of the make-up and clothes off of her.

“I was told to remind you to confirm if you’re coming to the wrap party on Friday,” Rihanna tells her, both of them continue walking

Kameron face palms, “oh god, I thought I did that, I’ll tell them when I change. Yes, I’m definitely coming.”

“Good,” Rihanna smiles, “is Vanjie coming with you? I wanted to talk to her about the new song.”

“Yes, she’s very excited,” Kameron nods, “she’s been so swamped with final work on the album, I barely see her.”

Rihanna chuckles, “the final parts are the worst, you just start nitpicking shit. But I’m glad she’s coming,” they approach Rihanna’s trailer so she finishes off with, “say hi to her from me, and tell her she should’ve visited more.”

Kameron starts walking away, laughing “I will, I will.”

She finally enters her own trailer and sighs. It was just a short morning filming, but the finalisation of it is definitely leaving an impact on her.

After she takes off her set clothes, folding them neatly on dresser, then goes back to her regular sporty assemble, she opens the window to let some of the breeze.

Thankfully it wasn’t a heavy make-up day, so it takes her a short amount of time to take it off, and minimal make up wipes that she usually hates using since they feel a bit drying to the skin.

Just as she’s applying some soothing moisturizes she hears a familiar voice outside of her window.

“Nina, I don’t care, take it down,” Brooke is pointedly speaking on the phone.

Kameron quiets down, almost feeling bad for eavesdropping, but it’s not like she can just pretend not to hear.

There is a couple of seconds of silence before Brooke speaks again, “it’s simply not true and I told you I don’t want this anymore, take it down.”

It makes Kameron frown; she knows Nina is Brooke’s manager but she never heard Brooke be that annoyed at her. She peeks out of the window, positive that she can’t be seen, and there’s Brooke standing in between their trailers hand on her hip, looking pissed.

“I don’t know what you’ll say or do, just take it down. I want it gone by the end of the day,” she speaks again, rubbing her forehead.

Kameron feels bad, even though she’s not really sure what’s going on.

“There’s no reason okay? I don’t want to talk about it now,” Brooke sighs, then pauses, listening to the other side, “yeah, yeah, I know,” another pause then, “whatever works, really. Thanks,” then hangs up the phone.

Kameron moves from the window immediately, and just goes to pick up the rest of her stuff so she can finally leave the set for good.

However, there is a knock on the door. A panic settles over Kameron, because maybe Brooke somehow noticed she was listening to her conversation.

She puts down her bag and slowly opens the door. It is Brooke, with hands in her pockets, looking real uncomfortable.

“Hi,” Kameron greets her, trying not to panic, because what is she going to say if Brooke really did see or hear her.

“Hi,” Brooke greets back, “uhm, can I talk to you for a second?”

“Yeah, sure, do you want to come in?” Kameron stammers, gesturing towards her trailer.

Brooke looks past her then decides, “no it’s fine, I just, um,” she scratches her head and Kameron takes a step outside so they’re more level with each other, “I should’ve done this two days ago but it was a bit hectic,” Brooke continues, putting her hands back in her pockets, “anyway I just wanted to say thank you for getting me home on Saturday and, like, helping me. I don’t remember much but Tony, my driver, told me you and Vanessa called him and got me to the car.”

Kameron feels relief wash over her now that she knows she wasn’t caught eavesdropping.

“No need to thank me, it was no problem. Vanessa thankfully still had his number, so she arranged it. I was just the muscle,” Kameron tries to lighten the mood but Brooke only gets the sliver of the expression she had that night in the nightclub.

“Yeah, thankfully,” Brooke says a bit quietly then nods, “anyway, it was very kind of you, I really don’t behave like that usually…” she starts but shakes her head, clearly trying to come up with a better way to express herself.

But Kameron interrupts her, “I can tell, it’s okay. Don’t worry about it, really.”

Brooke pauses, then nods with a tight smile, and as she turns to leave, she looks over her shoulder, “you’re a good person Kameron.”

She has a feeling that this is not a completely finished sentence, but it’s still in the top 10 things Kameron never expected to hear from Brooke.

“Thank you,” Kameron says, shocked, as Brooke just walks away to her trailer.

Calling that night weird would be an understatement. Kameron never expected to see Brooke so, well, not composed. And she has an itching feeling it wasn’t because of the alcohol. That was also the first time she has seen Vanessa that worried. How fast Vanessa acted to fix the situation was so surprising that Kameron just followed along to what she instructed. She also fully expected Vanessa to just get in the car too, but after the moment of hesitation, she let go of Brooke and left with Kameron.

All of it shone light on some things for Kameron.

Though, it’s still not time to address any of it, which means it will be stored in the same place where everything else that has happened recently is, in hopes it will sort itself out.

For now, Kameron takes her stuff and makes her way to Vanessa’s, as they have made plans to hang out. 

…

As she parks her car in Vanessa’s driveway she notices Silky’s car parked there as well. Kameron didn’t call to check if Vanessa finished her obligations for today, but they are pretty comfortable with each other so Kameron doesn’t mind just waiting however, she kind of feels bad because she only brought food for the two of them.

She enters through the garage door that always seems to be unlocked and has been something Kameron complained to Vanessa as a safety issue, but she’d just say it’s a gated community and she only leaves it unlocked if she knows someone is coming. Though Kameron is pretty sure she rarely remembers to lock it.

“Hello, it me!” Kameron announces herself as she walks through the house, “anyone home?” as she finishes that question she enters the huge living room and is met with Akeria, Silky and Vanessa sitting on the couch. Vanessa is leaning forward, arms resting on her knees, blanket around her, Akeria to her right with her hand on Vanessa’s back and Silky is not actually sitting on the couch but on the floor, touching Vanessa’s thigh.

There is a box of tissues on the coffee table, surrounded by used ones and judging by Vanessa’s puffy eyes it seems that she was the one crying.

What shocks Kameron the most, even though it probably shouldn’t, is the TV paused on a moment from Vanessa’s favourite movie, Brooke in a wide shot frame.

“Hi Kameron,” Akeria greets her before she can react.

“What’s going on?” Kameron drops the food on the bar and walks over to them.

Silky and Akeria hesitate but decide to wait for Vanessa to speak. Kameron moves the tissues so she can sit across them on the table.

“I’m having a bad day,” Vanessa lets out in a small voice still ridden with tears and Kameron immediately takes her hand into hers. It makes a couple tears fall but she squeezes her hand and doesn’t move away.

Akeria rubs Vanessa’s back and Kameron asks, “why? What’s the matter?”

“It’s stupid,” she shakes her head, lip pouting to hold in a cry.

Kameron barely ever saw her be in a particularly sad mood, least of all cry, and it honestly makes her heart break, because Vanessa is always so sunny and positive and this doesn’t feel right at all.

“So, our resident blondie here,” Akeria nods to the screen behind her, “ended up in the tabloids this morning and it brought up some things,” she vaguely explains.

“Okay…”, Kameron frowns a bit, confused, but Silky hands her the phone that’s already opened on the article.

_Is Brooke back in the dating pool? Hot guy alert_

There is a couple of photos of Brooke leaving a bar, supposedly yesterday, there’s guy and a girl behind her seemingly leaving together. The article speculates further the context of the evening and gives a brief retrospect on Brooke’s colourful love life.

Well, now it makes more sense.

“I mean, this is stunt for sure, right?” Kameron looks at Akeria and Silky, then at Vanessa, “she’s not actually dating him?” She decides not to go for the bullseye but to lead to it.

“Yup, but that’s almost an exact thing that happened when they broke up or went separate ways or whatever,” Silky explains.

Kameron makes a silent oh, then looks at Vanessa again, who finally speaks up, “it took me back to it plus the constant seeing her…it’s just a bit…I’m just having a bad day,” she sighs in the end.

She squeezes her hand again, before carefully asking, “you guys broke it off because of a stunt?” curiosity getting the best of her, since Vanessa wouldn’t share the details at all.

“We broke it off because I didn’t like that she did stunts while she had a thing with me, something I considered a relationship and she clearly didn’t. It would’ve been fine probably if I was just included and talked to, but nope, she thought it was none of my business. Also, I didn’t exist in her life at all,” Vanessa briefly explains, with a small girt in her teeth, and Akeria starts rubbing her back again.

Kameron’s eyes widen and she can’t really say she expected that as the reason they broke up.

“I’m sorry,” Kameron says dumbly, unsure what to say now, and Vanessa just nods, hanging her head down.

She doesn’t cry but somehow the sadness that’s emitting from her is worse, “you should’ve told me you’re not over her, I wouldn’t have accepted the movie offer or we wouldn’t engage or something,” Kameron rambles a bit, feeling like she’s somehow aided in exposing Vanessa to Brooke.

Vanessa’s head snaps up at her, first part of that sentence startling her, “I-,” she looks away and back, “it’s not…I just…it just hurts still. It shouldn’t, but it does,” she tries to explain herself, “but it’s not your fault, and I’d never agree to you giving up the movie because of this.”

Kameron nods, then tries to lighten the mood, “at least it’s over now. We don’t have to see her anymore.”

That somehow brings more sadness to Vanessa’s eyes, but then she chuckles with no humour behind it, “babe we have the wrap party on Friday, and the premiers.”

“You don’t have to go, we don’t have to go, whatever you want,” Kameron immediately adds, fully ready to just not appear.

Vanessa squeezes her hand, “I appreciate you, but don’t worry,” she gives her a small, still sad smile, “it’s just a bad day, I’ll be fine.”

Kameron doesn’t really believe her, but decides not to push further. After a few seconds of silence, Akeria speaks up.

“How about the two of us go make something to eat?”

Kameron looks at Akeria, who just suggestively nods toward the kitchen, “yeah okay. I brought takeaway but we can put it in the fridge so you can eat it tonight,” she tells Vanessa while Akeria and Silky exchange looks, having a silent conversation Kameron can’t really decipher.

As they get up, Kameron places a light kiss on Vanessa’s head and Silky gets up too, so that she actually sits next to Vanessa on the couch, who immediately leans against her. Silky grabs the remote and plays the movie again, while Kameron follows Akeria to the kitchen.

Akeria closes the door behind them and takes out ingredients from the fridge. Kameron is pretty sure she didn’t invite her here to be the sous chef, so she just waits.

“You know, she never cried over it to us,” Akeria starts peeling the potatoes, “and Vanessa could cry over anything, because you know she carries her heart on her sleeve,” Akeria looks at Kameron who nods in agreement. Before she continues, Kameron leans on the bar counter, “so I knew that this time, it was different.”

Kameron can feel her heart speed up, desire to hug Vanessa growing by the beat.

“Me and Silky were suspicious constantly, when it was still going on, mostly because she wouldn’t share a lot,” Akeria continues, pulling out a bowl to put the potatoes in, “but we both knew that Vanessa was happy, it was clear as day. Dare I even say this was the first time she was actually in love. She was so, I don’t even know how to put it in words…almost like she was elevated, constantly.”

“Did Brooke not love her back?” Kameron asks even though she doesn’t even believe that.

Akeria smirks, moving to prepare the chicken she took out, “We thought Brooke was just playing with her, and it was weird that she didn’t want to meet us or be seen with Vanessa. But one day, Brooke came to pick up Vanessa at my club, it was the only time I saw her in person, and lemme tell you, when I saw the way Brooke looked at her and spoke to her, I realized that maybe we were wrong. Because she definitely looked like she though sun shined out of Vanessa’s ass.”

Kameron chuckles, relating to that sentence on some level as well, “so what happened?”

Akeria shrugs, “Brooke didn’t commit, and was more focused on her career than anything else.”

“That sounds like her. She does movies back to back, I don’t know if there was any new hit movie that she didn’t star in,” Kameron comments. Brooke’s drive in the professional life is something she admires and can definitely relate to. It’s all or nothing. Kameron just wonders where is the energy coming from, because even she had to take a break, to breathe, to try establish other aspects of her life, “but what? It all blew up like that?” Kameron snaps her fingers.

“Yes, all in one day, and after that Vanessa just focused on finishing the last of her tour, then she focused on you and the new album. Not once did she cry or talk more about it,” Akeria says, seasoning the food in front of her, voice getting a tinge of sadness, “I knew my baby’s heart broke. And I hoped that it mended, because she’s been happy hanging out with you, doing all this charade business, but chile when Silky called me this morning telling me that she found her watching the movie crying, I hopped on the first Uber, came straight over.”

Kameron felt his heart go out to Vanessa, and a small happiness arose in her from the fact that Akeria said that Vanessa is having a good time with her.

“How can I help?” Kameron sighs.

Akeria puts the tray in the oven, “you can’t help. We’ll go back to the room, sit with her and watch that movie probably for the hundred time and by this time tomorrow, she’ll be okay.”

“Okay, I can do that.”

Akeria smiles, “good, put a timer for 30 minutes so I know to check on the food.”

Kameron nods while she sets the timer on her phone, and then they make their way back to the living room. Silky and Vanessa are still in the same position, but at least it doesn’t look like Vanessa has been crying anymore.

“Chicken roast is in the oven, so we should be eating in an hour,” Akeria informs them and Silky rubs her hands together, “how far in are we?” she nods toward the movie.

“It’ll be done just in time for dinner,” Vanessa softly says.

Then Silky moves back to the floor, confusing Kameron, “why’re you sitting down there?”

“It’s more comfortable bish, I’m a big girl, I ain’t squeezing with y’all, I want my space,” Silky spreads out on the fluffy carpet, holding Vanessa’s thigh. Akeria goes to her previous spot and Vanessa leans immediately on her. Kameron sits on the other side of her, pulling her legs up not to disturb Silky. Vanessa places her arm over Kameron’s legs who lightly takes it.

Kameron focuses on the screen only a little, mostly just tries to process everything.

…

Later that day, or better say evening, they’ve eaten and watched the movie, and are now barely watching some random reality show while drinking wine. The atmosphere is a bit lighter, since they’ve changed the subject and mostly tried to keep everything more positive for Vanessa.

While Silky is talking about some funny thing that happened with trade this weekend, Kameron checks her phone, because she hasn’t since leaving the studio.

Nothing really interesting to find, until she scrolls through Twitter and stumbles upon an article about Brooke. It’s one of the tabloids that picked up the story and they’re reposting it with a statement from Brooke’s representative, probably Nina, that the speculation is false and that Brooke has never met them, and that the original poster was drawing conclusions on out of context photographs.

Kameron hesitates in her decision on what to do, but after a moment, she squeezes Vanessa’s leg that’s been across her lap, to get her attention. Vanessa looks at her, eyes not as sad anymore, only glossy from the alcohol, some sunniness back in her body.

She hands her the phone, and Vanessa just frowns at her as she takes it.

Her eyes widen at first, then she appears to be reading it, small furrow in her brow. At last her jaw slightly drops and she pulls herself back to hand Kameron her phone back.

There is no sign of any negative emotions coming back, but there’s a slight thoughtfulness to Vanessa now. She takes one of the decorative pillows and hugs it, smiling at Kameron before she returns her attention to Silky’s story.

Kameron just zones out again, drawing small shapes on Vanessa’s shin, and tries to unpack things she has purposely avoided.

_ A year and two months ago _

_Kameron is really enjoying her life at the moment; she broke the world record, she finally has the opportunity to take a break in competing, and for the last month-ish, she has been hanging out with none other than Vanessa Vanjie Mateo. It’s been so surreal since she’s been crushing over her for a while now and when she saw her at the gym, after a long ass pep talk with herself, she decided to approach her in the most random way possible. But it somehow worked and they’ve been friendly ever since._

_However, Kameron literally has no game, whatsoever. There’s a reason she doesn’t play team sports. That’s why she’s struggling to do something about this with Vanessa. She’s not sure if she’s sending the right signals, or if she’s sending signals at all, and it’s been stressing her out a bit. They already had multiple gym sessions together that Kameron barely survived without just acting like a creep and countless coffee dates in between obligations, that somehow always make a stressful day better._

_So it’s getting a bit frustrating, because Kameron is a disaster in reading romantic signals when it’s about her, which makes it difficult to decide if Vanessa even likes her that way. But she decided to work up the courage to ask Vanessa on a proper date and see if it works out._

_Though, she’ll do it today, since she is meeting her for lunch right now._

_Just as she starts practicing how she could ask her, Vanessa and Jason approach the table._

_“Hi Kam,” Vanessa smiles brightly at her, giving her a short hug before sitting on the opposite side of the table._

_“Hi Vanj, hi Jason, didn’t expect to see you here,” Kameron greets them both, slightly disappointed that they’re joined by Vanessa’s manager._

_Jason waves his hand, “don’t worry I just came here because I wanna discuss something with you shortly, then I’ll leave, promise.”_

_Kameron frowns and looks at Vanessa who just rolls her eyes, “don’t look at me, he just ambushed me and told me he has an amazing idea and invited himself over.”_

_“Okay, what is it?” Kameron asks, leaning on the table and actively trying not to stare at Vanessa._

_Jason clasps his hands, “soooo, I thought of something that I have already discussed with your manager, and she thinks it would be great too and is fully on board.”_

_“Just get to it Jason, oh my god,” Vanessa interrupts him._

_“Okay okay,” he chuckles, obviously excited, “what do you think about you two dating and like in a public relationship?”_

_It was good that Kameron was not drinking any liquids because she’s sure she’s splutter everything out. Vanessa looking the same._

_“What? You playing matchmaker now with me? Why you managing my personal life, bish that’s crossing some lines,” Vanessa’s voice only slightly rises, annoyance clear in it._

_Jason shakes his head, “No, no, I mean like a PR relationship, just for the press and public.”_

_“What? Why?” now Kameron is confused, and slightly panicking because it’s talking about Vanessa and her in a relationship but not in the context she likes._

_“Because, you two have been getting a lot of attention lately, especially after that couple outings that made it on to the social media and press. Literally everyone is giving you a positive reaction, and like one of the cash cows in this business is a PR relationship. Both of you are going on breaks so this could be a fun thing to do that boosts your stats and gives you extra income. Also think of the representation, huh?” Jason explains it, trying to sell the idea hard._

_Kameron doesn’t even know how to react, but she doesn’t have to because Vanessa beats her to it, “Jason, you know I don’t want any relationships right now, I’m not in that place okay, and I’m not about to pretend to be romantic with someone to sell a story.”_

_Oh so she doesn’t want a relationship right now, something Kameron didn’t count on. It definitely deflates her confidence in inviting her out for dinner._

_“It’s not an actual relationship, Vanj. You just literally continue doing what you’re doing right now and we’ll come up with a plan how to announce that you’re official and the rest is just you two going about your life and if you decide to hang out like you usually do, just post it and that’s it. You can go to like official events with someone other than alone, and stuff like that,” Jason explains it further._

_Kameron is still speechless, because she wouldn’t actually mind that, but seems like Vanessa has some issues._

_“I don’t kiss my friends Jason, and I’m not about to start, that shit means something to me,” Vanessa crosses her arms._

_Kameron feels like the world slows down as she feels her heart drop, because she’s apparently already friendzoned._

_Jason rolls his eyes, “you don’t have to kiss dummy, you can do whatever you do as friends and we’ll just call it a relationship.”_

_Vanessa takes a deep breath, then looks at Kameron, “what do you think of this?”_

_“I mean, I-, uhm,” she clears her throat, “like I’m not against it, it could be fun I guess, I don’t know,” she looks at Jason, “how about you come up with a strategy and actually present it to us?”_

_Vanessa’s eyes slightly widen, like she expected a different response._

_“I can do a strategy, yes,” Jason nods, “how about tomorrow, we can talk about it more, lunch on me?” he smiles at them._

_Vanessa looks between them, still not letting her guard down and Kameron responds, “okay with me,” after which Vanessa nods as well._

_“Great, I’m gonna go now,” Jason gets up, “see you guys! Think about it!” he yells as he leaves._

_“Can’t believe you’re actually considering it,” Vanessa comments._

_Kameron shrugs, “I don’t know, we already hang out, and its going great,” she pauses and continues when Vanessa nods in confirmation, “I know a lot of people do these things, and if I’m honest I wouldn’t mind some good publicity and branching out to other things if I plan to retire after next season. At least if I’m gonna do something like this, I’d much like doing it with you.”_

_Vanessa remains silent for a moment, “I’ll think about it.”_

_The waiter comes over and they place orders for lunch and Kameron can still feel the sting of rejection, even though she wasn’t even directly rejected._

_“Oh yeah, what did you want to ask me?” Vanessa looks up, and Kameron panics again._

_“Uhm,” she searches her brain for an answer, “are we still on for the gym tomorrow?” she says like an idiot._

_Vanessa chuckles, “and you couldn’t ask me that over the phone,” she shakes her head, “I swear you’re so weird sometimes,” then immediately adds, “but in a good way, of course.”_

_Kameron smiles too, thanking the universe for actually bringing Jason today and allowing her to avoid crashing and burning in front of Vanessa. Maybe now, this could give her more time to see if something could work between them. Maybe Vanessa even changes her mind._

_But even though Kameron is a hopeless romantic, her gut is telling her it’s probably going to be a no, and she’ll make it worse. Though, what kind of a disaster lesbian would she be if she didn’t go through with this. After all, she has to remain on brand._


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!!
> 
> The last chapter is finally here! I have enjoyed taking you on this ride with you and I hope you did as well. Once again, thank you to everyone who interacted with me and this story, it means so much and really motivated me to write and keep you guys happy.   
> I hope that I did right by you and the characters with this ending, and I hope that you like it! 
> 
> Happy reading! Till next time :D <3

Brooke nervously plays with her rings in the backseat of the car. Tony is currently driving her to the venue where the wrap party is being held and she has been dreading it all morning. It will be the first time she sees Vanessa in a while now, despite apparently seeing her on the horrendous night she thought they were engaged and she drank her weight.

As the movie wrapped up, she realized that after all of this, she probably won’t see Vanessa at all. At the beginning, she was counting the minutes before it was over, but as she came to terms with the fact that the only negative feelings she can have, are the ones toward herself, the huge hole in her heart, began echoing once again.

Brooke wishes she could at least apologise, but that doesn’t feel fair. To be frank, she wishes things didn’t play out like they did. That she said no to the stunt, that she just turned on her idiot brain to realise where Vanessa is coming from, that she for once didn’t let herself be taken by panic, and that she saw the impact she was leaving. She wishes she never had to see Vanessa’s eyes fill with tears.

Most of all, Brooke wishes she said ‘I love you too’ and not let her leave.

Maybe if her timing was correct too, this wouldn’t be happening. If she didn’t leave for shooting morning after, and was stranded in Europe for three months, maybe she would have had the opportunity to make things right. All that movie brought to her is the Oscar nomination and the glaringly obvious realisation that she did not want to experience a day that she can’t share with Vanessa. Each day she didn’t receive a text or a cute picture, she felt like someone was taking pieces from her.

She could’ve called, sure, her finger hovered over that button many times, but as always, she was hesitant and, well, a chicken shit. It was always difficult for her to be emotionally vulnerable, she grew up in a somewhat normal family, but they never were as close to each other. It’s a very white, very Christian upper class family. Add the gay card with the desire to work in Hollywood and you get yourself a person who doesn’t really know how to obtain or maintain an intimate relationship.

So, when it started to hurt for real, when she had no movie as a distraction, when the realisation hit, it was too late. The day Brooke finally gathered the little courage she had, was the day Kameron came into the picture. It was the first time Brooke felt like someone just ripped her whole heart out, she couldn’t believe that while she was soaking in misery, Vanessa just immediately jumped to another girl, one she said she wasn’t interested in. In that moment, Brooke finally understood the difficult emotion of heartbreak that she somehow never could properly portray in a role.

The car stops and Tony says, “we’re here, miss Brooke.”

Brooke is pulled out of her thoughts and responds on autopilot, “thank you Tony, I’ll call you when I’m ready.”

She checks her phone, Nina texted her that she’s almost there, so Brooke decides to smoke one out while she waits. She is grateful that his party is not publicized so she can have a moment of peace outside and not be bombarded with paparazzi.

After only half way through her cigarette, a car pulls up, Nina coming out, “hey,” she goes to Brooke and gives her a brief hug, “are you waiting long?”

“No, just got here myself,” Brooke shakes her head, then motions toward the door, “ready to go in?”

Nina just nods and follows her inside.

Most of the people have already arrived, so Brooke greets as many as she can, her and Nina making small conversation as they move along toward the bar.

When they’re finally somewhat alone, Nina turns to Brooke, “I know that stunts are a big no-no lately in Brooke town, but I got off the phone with one manager before coming here, it’s an unnamed celebrity who is offering big, and I mean big, money for you two to have a PR relationship. Like you wouldn’t believe how much money. The name is undisclosed until an NDA is signed but they have a whole plan and everything.”

Brooke gets slightly triggered but keeps her emotions at bay, “no.”

“No?” Nina frowns, “are you sure? It could be good publicity, and a bit of change to your image.”

“No.” Brooke turns away from Nina, “I told you. No more PR anything. If I’m associated with anyone in the papers, it better be true, anything else consider it an open request to take it down. I told you that already.”

Nina takes a step closer to Brooke, “what has gotten into you? You’ve been acting really strange lately…actually no, this whole year,” she puts on her best manager face, “I’m still waiting for a lot of explanations that you keep postponing.”

When Brooke stays silent, playing with her glass, Nina continues, “you’re making me worried. I’m only trying to look out for you,” when Brooke looks up at her again Nina’s expression softens, “I want you to be happy and I can’t ensure that if you don’t tell me what’s going on.”

“I promise I’m fine,” Brooke says, not ready at all to have that conversation, she definitely plans on it, but after this whole movie is done, “I just don’t want my whole life to be scripted anymore, okay? That’s it.”

Nina studies her for a moment, then nods, “okay.”

Brooke nods too, then takes a sip of her drink, ready to change the subject when she notices a commotion rising around the venue. It only takes her one guess why that is, and it’s a correct one. Vanessa and Kameron have just arrived.

Brooke takes a deep breath in, bracing for the night that now has officially begun.

They come into view, and Vanessa looks stunning. Brooke almost gets angry every time she sees her, because it shouldn’t be allowed to have a person just radiate loveliness. It also isn’t right that said person is not being held by Brooke, but is being led by the waist by a ridiculously attractive, practically every lesbian’s wet dream, Kameron.

Brooke downs her drink, because she hates how she’s feeling, openly admitting only to herself that she could go green with jealousy.

“You gotta introduce me to them,” Nina’s almost squeaky voice, only recognized in fans, stops her staring.

Brooke frowns, “to who?”

“Miss Vanjie,” Nina grins, and Brooke has to resist the urge to just hysterically laugh, “and Kameron of course. But mostly Vanjie,” Nina follows their movement, Brooke just gaping at her.

“Are you serious?” Brooke asks her, because she can’t be. Honestly, how is this even her life.

Nina looks at her, “yes!” she whisper squeals, “I always wanted to meet her, I’m honestly a fan. She’s so great, so fucking funny,” Nina explains then stops, thinking, then “would it be weird if I asked for a photo?”

Brooke stares at her, jaw just about to hit the floor, “unbelievable. Since when are you a fan girl? And yes it would be fucking weird if you asked her for a photo.” Though, Brooke is 100% sure that Vanessa would take it with no hesitation at all.

“What? Just because I work in Hollywood doesn’t mean I can’t be a fan,” Nina states in mock offence, then scoffs, “like you didn’t almost shit your pants when you met Charlize Theron.”

That is true, so she just rolls her eyes, mostly annoyed because she can’t get her way out of this, “if you want to talk to her, just go talk to her,” Brooke tries.

Nina practically stomps like a child, “why can’t you introduce me? She’s your co-star”

“Kameron is my co-star, that’s her girlfriend,” Brooke explains, her stomach squeezing at the last word.

“Yeah, so like just lets go there and make casual conversation,” Nina suggests, but her tone very pushy.

“Nina…” Brooke sighs, out of excuses and ready to pray for a brick to collapse on her and take her out.

Nina tilts her head, “Brooooooke.”

Brooke hesitates, then decides to just rip the band aid. Nina is probably going to kill her, but it will make sense later and she’ll have to forgive her.

“C’mon. If you insist,” Brooke starts walking, gesturing for Nina to come with her.

She hears Nina giggle when they make their way toward them. Kameron and Vanessa are talking by themselves, leaning against a table, very close to each other.

As they get closer, both Kameron and Vanessa turn toward them, faces barely containing shock. Brooke tries not to get hurt by the way Vanessa squeezes Kameron’s hand that’s resting on the table.

“Vanessa, Kameron,” Brooke forcefully keeps her voice level, “my friend Nina here is a huge fan and wants a picture, but is apparently unable to ask herself.”

Vanessa chokes on her drink and Kameron just looks sympathetically toward Brooke.

“Brooke, oh my fucking god!” Nina swats her arm, cheeks instantly red.

Vanessa composes herself quickly, clearing her throat before her huge charming smile spreads, “don’t worry, we used to Brooke being blunt,” she then touches Nina’s arm and Brooke is once again reminded how Vanessa is able to just adapt when necessary, “of course you can have picture, I mean we look so good it would be a damn shame not to take one.”

Nina smiles and hands her phone to Brooke. Vanessa leads her to stand between her and Kameron, all of them putting on huge smiles. Brooke takes a couple of pictures, before she hands her the phone back.

“Lemme see, if we don’t look stun, we taking it again,” Vanessa peeks over Nina’s shoulder, “trust me, Kam here is very particular about the pictures,” she rolls her eyes and Nina almost looks comically amused. Brooke can’t believe she is actually that star struck.

“I’m not particular,” Kameron makes air quotes, “I just want fans to have nice pictures.”

“Sure, that’s the only reason,” Vanessa teases her and Brooke’s heart definitely starts clenching.

Nina shows them the pictures, “I think we look good,” and they study them for a second before Vanessa exclaims, “hell yeah we do.”

Brooke is just about to drag Nina out of there but Nina beats her to it, “since I’m pretty sure Brookie here is going to pull me away any second, I just wanted to say I love your music, it’s my go-to feel-good playlist, and I really admire how you’re handling everything that’s thrown at you.”

Vanessa’s cheeks get slightly rosy, and Brooke has to resist the urge to coo at the shyness that, thankfully, still hasn’t gone when she’s complimented.

“Thank you. I try my best,” Vanessa say before hugging Nina.

Nina squeezes her hand before letting go completely and they say their goodbyes. Brooke just thankful it’s over. When they reach a safe distance, Nina only gives her a little shit for putting her on the spot like that, but it’s probably because she is still under the effect of actually meeting Vanessa. Some other time, she’s going to remember this and do the yelling.

They get occupied by other co-stars and colleagues, party really reaching its boom. Brooke is real close to actually having fun. If it weren’t for the constant view of Kameron and Vanessa, maybe she could relax, but her eyes apparently have a mind of their own and they somehow always land on them. So she sees every time Kameron plays with the ends of Vanessa’s hair while they talk to people or when Vanessa fixes something on Kameron’s clothes or the fact that they’re somehow always holding hands. Since when Vanessa likes holding hands that much?

At one point, Brooke leaves the group of people and Nina, because she honestly can’t even follow the conversation anymore and she’s getting slightly peckish. She reaches the food table and starts examining the options.

“Hey,” a small voice startles her, and she comes face to face with Vanessa.

She’s holding her hands in front of her, Brooke can tell she’s very unsure, “Hi,” she greets her, heartbeat already gaining speed. She preferred when she was angry when she’d see her, this feeling of regret is just suffocating.

“I,” Vanessa starts then clears her throat, Brooke fully turns toward her, “I just wanted to check if you’re okay.”

Brooke wants to tell her that she’s not. And she wants to tell her that hours of gentle head scratches Vanessa always did when Brooke was particularly feeling bad wouldn’t be enough.

But she can’t, so she lies, “I am,” then pulls a tiny smile, touching her fresh hair, “now that I’m back to blonde, everything is fine.”

Vanessa obviously didn’t expect Brooke to say something casual, as it pulls out a surprised chuckle from her, and Brooke curses the universe for being unable to just continue being funny so Vanessa keeps laughing.

“Yeah, brown hair is not the one,” Vanessa nods, her posture relaxing, a sliver of a smile on her lips.

Vanessa breaks the eye contact which prompts Brooke to continue speaking, “thank you for handling Nina,” and Vanessa looks back at her, eyes softening, then Brooke continues, swallowing a lump, “and for Saturday.”

A flash of sadness crosses her features and Brooke almost regrets mentioning it, but then Vanessa does something that Brooke didn’t prepare for. She touches her arm, and the instant warmth nearly brings tears to Brooke’s eyes.

“Don’t mention it,” Vanessa lightly say, “you’d do the same.”

Brooke instantly responds, almost too quiet, “I would,” which makes Vanessa nod with a tight lipped smile, before she squeezes her arm lightly and lets go.

As Vanessa walks away, Brooke touches her own arm, thinking why she isn’t as brave as Vanessa. If the roles were reversed, Brooke doesn’t even know if she’d be able to be in the same vicinity as her, nonetheless speak to her.

…

The end of the party is nearing and Brooke is just right amount tired and slightly sad to tell Nina it’s time to go. It will probably be met with a disappointed look, since Nina has been really enjoying herself. When Nina got the right amount of tipsy, she even went to talk to Kameron which was only slightly bizarre, but at least Brooke wasn’t involved this time.

Brooke had fun, but it’s time to pee and it’s time to leave.

While it is a hassle that the bathrooms are far away, it is a plus that they are private, a thing she prefers in bathrooms, because then she can have a moment of silence in events like these.

Just as she goes to wash her hands, there’s a knock on the door.

“Occupied,” she yells out.

“I know. It’s Kameron, can you please let me in,” she hears on the other side. It’s a bit unlikely that all bathrooms are full, so her being impatient is weird.

Brooke opens the door and Kameron steps inside, locking it behind her. It immediately startles her, anxiety rising on high levels, “what are you doing?”

“I want to talk to you, and I don’t want anyone coming in,” Kameron explains, but then takes in Brooke’s shock, “sorry, that was a bit hostile right? Sorry. I just want to talk and if you want to leave you can,” Kameron moves from the door, leaving a clear path to exit.

Brooke relaxes, but not fully, because what could she possibly want to talk about, “what is it with you and bathrooms?” she comments and prepares herself.

Kameron chuckles, “it’s the only opportunity to catch you, I guess.”

“So what do you want to talk about?” Brooke gestures her to start, taking a deep breath in.

Kameron seems to collect herself, then nods and starts, “I know that you’re in love with Vanessa,” and Brooke’s eyes widen, scrambling to find words to defend herself, but Kameron continues, “no, just, let me talk. You don’t even have to try to deny it, because only a blind person wouldn’t see it.”

Brooke feels her heart in her throat, whole body on alert, because what the hell is going on. She also feels somewhat exposed, not even counting on the possibility that she could be transparent, or even worse that Kameron would notice.

“I’ve been stuck in the middle of this intense situation for too long now, and I came to terms that no matter how much I try to convince myself, I’m never going to be enough,” Kameron says, a sad smile on her lips, “I almost didn’t even want to have this conversation, because in some way, I don’t think you deserve it, because who the hell blows their chance like that, but it is obvious that it needs to happen.”

Now Brooke doesn’t follow, “what are you talking about?”, question coming out breathy.

“I’m trying to tell you that I can see that you two are clearly not over each other. That you two need to talk shit out, properly,” Kameron explains.

Brooke might just pass out, “I-, we-, no, you’re wrong, Vanessa loves you, don’t worry about me. This has been just a weird situation,” she rambles, because her brain is only trying to stop her panic attack and can’t deal with forming normal sentences.

Kameron huffs, “yes, I know that Vanessa loves me. But she is not _in_ love with me. And I had to face the cold reality, that no matter how much I love her and how much I’d literally take stars from the night sky and give it to her if she asked, it will not change anything. Because from the moment I met you, the puzzle pieces started falling in to place and everything made sense,” she looks at Brooke who is still so confused, then frowns, “and to be frank, I’m angry at you. I’m angry that you blew it. That you let this happen.”

Brooke takes hold of her own elbows, looking down, “I’m angry at myself too,” she says quietly, then looks up at Kameron, “but I’m not a homewrecker, nor do I plan on ever meddling into anyone’s relationship. I think you’re just feeling slightly insecure, but I promise you don’t have to,” she tries to say as much conviction as she can. Because now, she’s afraid she could be ruining a good thing for Vanessa, and to have another nail in that coffin might just kill her. She hurt her enough.

“Brooke,” Kameron sighs, looking almost annoyed, “I want to ask you a question, and tell you something, but you have to answer it honestly.”

She only keeps quiet, because she, at this point, doesn’t even know how to react. Kameron takes it as agreement, “do you love Vanessa? Do you want to be with her?”

“That’s two questions,” Brooke says, being a smartass to buy herself a moment to hide the fact that she is afraid.

“It’s only one answer,” Kameron shrugs, and when Brooke just stares at her, she sighs, “I’m lending you a hand here Brooke, take it.”

Brooke feels her whole body clench, but her gut is screaming at her to just answer the question.

“Yes,” she says, even feeling a bit liberated from admitting it, “but Kameron, I’m telling you, just let it go. You two have a healthy relationship, Vanessa is happy, and that’s what matters.”

“What we have, Brooke, is a PR relationship. Nothing else,” Kameron says and Brooke takes a step back from shock.

“What?”

“Yes. And there’s a chance Vanessa might kill me for all of this, unless you actually do something with this information,” Kameron now closes herself of, explaining.

“I don’t understand,” Brooke says, trying to process the words fully. They’re not really in a relationship? But Brooke was convinced they were, there was no indicators it was PR. Even though Vanessa didn’t really act like she did with Brooke, she figured it was dependant on the person you’re with. It’s not like Brooke’s expert in relationships.

Kameron rolls her eyes, then continues, “it means I’m giving you tonight. I don’t care if it’s short notice, but you have tonight to do something about Vanessa. Otherwise, I’m going to pick her up for our gym session in the morning, take her for a lovely breakfast and ask her to try for real. Because _I_ know, I’d be crazy to let her slip through my fingers. She’s going to go home in about five minutes, and she’s going to go alone. Do what you will with that information.”

Brooke’s jaw drops, now she’s really speechless, even her mind coming to a stop.

“But-,” Brooke shakes her head, brows knitted, and Kameron interrupts her, “but - nothing. You can have all of her, and I’d be happy with just a little bit. So do something.”

Kameron turns around and unlocks the door, before she leaves the bathroom, Brooke speaks up again, “why would you do this?” and Kameron doesn’t even turn around, just says “because both of you deserve a real chance” then leaves, closing the door behind her.

It’s like all the air from the room vanished and Brooke feels it spin. Out of everything, she did not expect this at all.

She looks at herself in the mirror, taking a deep breath because this can’t be real. The fact that Vanessa would even agree to a PR relationship is unbelievable to her. That her miserable reality wasn’t actually real.

But how can she be sure that Vanessa actually wants her. That’s only Kameron’s opinion. Though, if she doesn’t actually try, all of it has a chance to become real, and that alone doesn’t sit well with Brooke at all.

As she tries to calm herself down, she looks at her phone and those five minutes have long passed.

“Don’t be an idiot again,” she tells herself in the mirror, grabs her stuff and leaves the bathroom.

While she looks for Nina, she texts Tony to come pick her up, adrenaline already starting to build up in her body. Once again, she is caught off guard, and it’s honestly making her spiral, especially with the added pressure of the ultimatum. Brooke didn’t think Kameron had it in her, but she couldn’t really blame her. This time she is putting all the efforts in acting on her feelings despite the absolute fear that Vanessa might very well reject her. It would make sense that she will, because Brooke is a little too late.

“There you are” Nina startles her out of the panic, “was there a line at the bathroom? Or did you poop?”

Brooke only half hears her, still trying to rationalize what she should do, “I-, no. Look, I need to go. Like now. So, I’ll talk to you later.”

Nina frowns, “what?” and Brooke just passes her to move toward the exit, Nina rushing with her “wait, where are you going?”

“I’ll explain later,” Brooke says and Nina sighs, “I swear to God, Brooke if you tell me that one more time…” walks with her all the way to the door.

Brooke grabs the handle, “I know, okay? I know. Tomorrow night? How’s that? We’ll talk.”

Nina looks sceptical, but then exhales, “fine. Tomorrow night.”

Brooke opens the door and leaves. She is not hundred percent sure what she’ll tell Nina tomorrow, but she knows it will be one thing. She lights a cigarette to give herself something to do while she waits for Tony and to maybe reach some clarity in what she exactly plans to do right now.

Though, not even nicotine helps at this moment.

When Tony arrives, she promptly gets into the car and takes another deep breath.

“Home?” Tony asks her.

She looks at him in the review mirror and she’s not sure. Should she go home, change, possibly shower, so she can actually think this through? Maybe she should just go over to Vanessa’s and think of something on the way there. Or she should call Vanessa beforehand, ask her to meet first, if that’s more proper? Maybe she shouldn’t even go anywhere, because maybe Kameron is just not thinking straight and Vanessa is over Brooke, and will just laugh at her for even coming over. But that also seems ridiculous, because Vanessa would never just openly laugh at someone.

Did any of this even happen? How is she just supposed to react? Why is it always so difficult for her to make one decision.

“Miss Brooke?” Tony addresses her again, and Brooke keeps staring at his eyes. She says an address but she doesn’t really hear herself.

Tony seems to hesitate but then says, “isn’t that miss Vanessa’s address?”

“Yes,” Brooke says and when she doesn’t continue, Tony nods and starts driving.

She is not sure what she’ll do when she gets there, she’s not even sure what she’ll say. However, a long time ago, Vanessa told her _‘be brave, do it scared’_ , and she tried to remember that anytime she started overthinking, so this is just another moment where she has to do it even though she feels like she could quite literally shit her pants.

Ever since she actually listened to that advice, she didn’t regret one thing she had done, no matter how ridiculous it seemed to just do it without at least making a pros and cons list. The one time she didn’t, is currently the only thing she regrets in life. And that’s not saying anything when Vanessa confronted her.

It was a moment she was the most afraid, but it was also the moment the most was at stake. And she let her defences get the best of her.

While she stares out the window, the moment where Vanessa leaves plays on a loop in her mind. Her brain cruelly reminding her, and anytime she tries to do something or say something, even in her mind, the moment loops back. 

The car ride passes, and she still hasn’t figured out what to do.

“We are here, miss Brooke,” Tony says.

Brooke looks at the house, where Vanessa probably already is and says, “okay,” but doesn’t make any moves to actually leave the car.

A couple of seconds pass and she hears Tony turn the car off.

Brooke sees that some of the lights are on, but she can’t see inside the house. She wonders if Vanessa already changed out of her dress, or did she choose to have a night snack and a drink to prolong the enjoyment of wearing a piece of clothing she particularly liked. She also wonders if she’ll even want to hear what Brooke has to say, if Brooke even manages to say anything.

“I think you should go in, miss Brooke,” Tony’s voice startles her and then he turns around, “I think it’s time.”

Brooke looks at the house once again, then at Tony, “thank you,” she opens the door, getting out of the car, on shaky legs.

With each step toward the front door she feels her whole body shake, but there’s no going back now. She won’t regret this too.

As she raises her hand toward the doorbell, she looks back and sees that Tony is still parked there and it sort of gives her encouragement. So she presses the button.

She hears footsteps and stops breathing. When the door opens, she definitely has to squeeze her own fists so she doesn’t pass out.

Vanessa is still in her dress, so she definitely likes it very much, and so does Brooke.

“Brooke? What are you doing here?” Vanessa’s asks, frowning in confusion.

“I have the reason,” Brooke says, feeling like she’s starting to get more centred with each second she just looks at Vanessa.

“What?” Vanessa’s question coming out breathy, so Brooke assumes she understands.

“You shouldn’t walk away because I definitely made a mistake doing that stunt without talking to you first and because I definitely shouldn’t be associated with anyone but you in the papers. You shouldn’t walk away because I wasn’t thinking clearly and panicked. You shouldn’t walk away because you _do_ have a place in my life, a big one. You shouldn’t walk away because I’m ready to cook for you anytime I can so you do the happy wiggle dance you do anytime it’s a ‘home cooked meal’. You shouldn’t walk away because I’d send you pictures of me with the cats everyday if it will make you smile. You shouldn’t walk away because I’ll play with your hair anytime you’re stressed or can’t sleep. You shouldn’t walk away because I don’t think a day where you don’t tease the hell out of me is a good day. And I had a long streak of bad days. You shouldn’t walk away because you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. And most importantly, you shouldn’t walk away because I love you too,” Brooke lists out, keeping her tears at bay during the whole speech, feeling lighter with each word, because it’s all the things she could’ve said in that moment and it’s been haunting her for too long.

“Oh my god,” Vanessa whispers, her eyes full of with tears too.

But Brooke simply can’t stop now that she started, “I know I’m year and a half late, and that I should’ve told you all of this then. And even when I realized I’m a fucking idiot was too late, because Kameron came into the picture. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I’m so sorry I didn’t stop you. I’m so sorry that I didn’t admit to myself that you’re right. I’m just sorry.”

Brooke sees that Vanessa is fully crying now, and she doesn’t try anymore to stop the tears that silently fall.

“Why are you doing this?” Vanessa asks, her voice shaky, hands trying to wipe the tears but they just keep falling.

Brooke takes the smallest step forward and takes a deep breath, “because I love you, because I miss you so much and I want to call you mine.”

The time stands still as Vanessa stares at Brooke, and she is sure her heart has stopped beating.

That is until Vanessa throws herself into Brooke’s arms, hugging her hard. And Brooke feels her whole body go warm, her heart picking up speed again. She hugs her back, a small sob escaping her when she realizes she’s surrounded by Vanessa’s smell like a blanket and that she’s actually in her arms.

“I missed you too,” she hears Vanessa say, then sniffle, “took you long enough.”

Brooke teary chuckles, then quietly say, “too long.”

Just because she can’t help herself, she burrows her head further so she can place a small kiss on Vanessa’s shoulder, then grazing her nose against it so she can inhale deeply. She feels Vanessa freeze in her arms, before she loosens the hug enough to move her head, making them face to face.

Brooke raises one hand so she can cup her cheek, and gently wipe some of the tears. That action makes Vanessa lean on her hand, more tears falling.

“I love you so much,” Brooke says again, somehow not able to keep those words in anymore.

Vanessa closes her eyes, nodding, then opens them to say “I love you,” and it honestly heals Brooke from head to toe.

She pulls her to close the final distance between them and kiss her. The moment their lips touch, all those wonderful sparks return and travel through her entire being. And it’s like the world finally has colour again. Vanessa makes a small almost wounded noise and Brooke just deepens the kiss, pulling them impossibly closer together. Brooke almost forgot that one of the reasons is that no one kisses like Vanessa does. No one feels like this.

When she feels them getting heated, Vanessa starts slowing the kiss down, until it’s just soft pecks.

They slowly separate, but Vanessa doesn’t move out of Brooke’s embrace, their noses almost touching. For a second they just look at each other, enjoying and relearning the closeness.

“What do we do now?” Vanessa whispers.

Brooke moves a strand of Vanessa’s hair behind her ear, then holds her cheek gently again, “we start from scratch?”

Vanessa nods, then kisses Brooke’s palm, “okay.”

Then Brooke sees a small mischievous glint appear in Vanessa’s eyes before she feels her playing with the zipper of her dress, so she just raises one eyebrow.

“Can we start from the same scratch though?” Vanessa grazes their noses together, still playing with Brooke’s zipper.

Brooke grins and Vanessa pulls her to kiss her again, walking backwards so that they both enter the house. And when Vanessa pushes her against the door to close them, Brooke gasps, breaking the kiss.

“But we should talk, properly,” Brooke manages to get out because it’s important to differentiate the first time they did this and now. She doesn’t want a replay; she wants a remake.

Vanessa nods, gently kissing her, then smiles “later,” and locks the door.

Brooke can do that, because she plans on having all the time in this world with Vanessa, nothing less.

_ Four years later _

_“Vanjie! Over here!”_

_Flashes are almost completely blinding, but it doesn’t matter, because Brooke only has eyes for the wonderful human that’s currently holding her by the waist, thumb slowly caressing her as reassurance._

_It’s Grammy night and Vanessa has four nominations – Brooke couldn’t be prouder. It is a very exciting night for two reasons, first is that this is the most nominations in Grammy’s, Vanessa has received since the start of her career, which doesn’t make sense to Brooke because she’d give her all the nominations for all of her albums and accomplishments. Maybe she’s biased, or maybe her baby is just that good. Second reason is that this is the first huge event they’re attending together, as a couple. Brooke would be lying if she said that she wasn’t scared shitless, but then again, Vanessa has enough bravery for both of them._

_The past years weren’t easy at all, for various reasons. At the beginning they had to relearn some things and Brooke had to overcome some of her own demons. Then there was the busy schedule they both had, so aligning their calendars was a problem for itself, but thanks to Jason and Nina, who gladly joined forces, they managed see each other properly, as much as possible._

_They did everything step by step and it has only made them stronger._

_Brooke didn’t come out until recently, but Vanessa didn’t mind, because she would’ve been fine with not doing it at all. They were out to their friends and family, they’ve hung out publicly, and in the grand scheme of things it didn’t matter as much. But Brooke got tired of not being able to hug or kiss her girlfriend when they were at events together, she got tired of pretending like they didn’t just arrive from the same house, so she decided it’s time._

_In regards to Kameron, she became one of their closest friends, and both of them are very excited for Kameron’s wedding in June. Vanessa is the maid of honour and Brooke can’t wait to see what she cooked up for the bachelorette party, because she’s sure it will be crazy, especially since she’s been keeping it all a secret._

_A loud, “can we get a kiss for the camera?”, startles Brooke and she feels Vanessa also slightly jolt next to her._

_Vanessa only looks at her, and Brooke knows she is letting her decide what she wants to do, eyes very patient and soft._

_Brooke smiles at her and leans in to give her a gentle kiss on the cheek, feeling Vanessa’s cheeks spread as she grins._

_“Lets go inside,” Vanessa whispers to her, taking her hand and interlocking their fingers._

_Brooke nods once and Vanessa lifts up their hands so she can kiss the back of Brooke’s, before she leads them down the red carpet._

_Vanessa won all four Grammy’s and Brooke didn’t stop tearing up from the moment she went up to accept the first award. And if her ugly teary laugh when Vanessa said “this is insane, I literally have nothing else to say other than: Brooke, baby we’re gonna need to buy a bigger shelf”, ended up as a gif highlight everywhere, it doesn’t matter, because not only Vanessa won, they both did._

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading and please tell me what you think :D


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